Self-Help Happiness Blog

Michele Moore of  The Happiness Habit is an interesting blogger.  What do I mean by “interesting”? 

In modern times, this overused and trampled word is a void-filler.  Two people lost for words at a conference will say, “Whadaya think will happen?”  “Dunno.” “Should be interesting.”  “Yup, should be interesting.” “Yup, interesting all right.”

The ancient Chinese had a curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

But when I say “interesting”, I actually mean “interesting”.  (Sorry to disappoint you.)  Her posts are refreshingly controversial and thought provoking.   Here are just a few examples:

• Positive Psychology can be dangerous.
• Lessons from The Godfather
• Is Happiness for Everyone?

It is this last one that most intrigues me, in Is Happiness for Everyone?, we see a mug shot of a smiling Steve Jobs glaring smugly at the title, as if he knows something we don’t.  The question Michele raises is not so much whether happiness is for everyone as much as whether the pursuit of happiness is for everyone.

“For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.”

People pursuing power or creativity, for example, are not necessarily unhappy.  The pursuit of these goals might be what makes them happy.  But the pursuit of happiness might not.  For others, the pursuit of happiness is everything.  But there is a catch for those pursuing power, creativity and even happiness; one person might be almost completely satisfied with his life chasing whatever he wants to chase, because his happiness is in the chase.  Another person might follow the exact same path, but be totally miserable, because his happiness is in the “if only” that he will never catch.  If only I had power.  If only I could be a little more creative.  If only I could achieve this, I will be happy. 

If only’s never make a person happy.  Enjoying the journey, the pursuit of power, the drive for creativity, the gathering of happiness; these are the motors that drive our happiness.

In an article entitled Money tilts the happiness scale, a persuasive argument is made that money and happiness are connected.  More specifically, wealth and happiness.  The article suggests that with wealth comes the ability to spend more time doing things we really enjoy, rather than things that are unpleasant (such as earning income).  If money buys a housekeeper, for example, that eliminates time spent doing housework.  If, on the other hand, money buys a fancy car and you still have to do the housework, the money probably hasn’t made you any happier.

It should be noted that “work” is one of those activities that does not bring most people happiness, so the pursuit of money is not the pursuit of happiness.  Wealth, not income, is positively correlated with happiness.

When you spend a lot of time talking about happiness, one can forget that sadness has value, too.  One thing I have always told people is that it is OK to mourn a loss. It is not just “normal”, but it is necessary.

What is not necessary is to remain in a rut of sadness and self-pity.  One needs to mourn, then push the sadness aside and get on with making the most of this wonderful world we live in.  The object of our mourning needs to be transformed from a sadly-missed part of our present to a wonderfully-remembered part of our past.

There is an interesting article on happiness versus sadness in Newsweek right now.  Interestingly, the article makes a case for happiness, but not too much of it over the long run.  Here is a quick excerpt:

On a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is extremely happy, 8s were more successful than 9s and 10s, getting more education and earning more. That probably reflects the fact that people who are somewhat discontent, but not so depressed as to be paralyzed, are more motivated to improve both their own lot (thus driving themselves to acquire more education and seek ever-more-challenging jobs) and the lot of their community (causing them to participate more in civic and political life). In contrast, people at the top of the jolliness charts feel no such urgency.

What do you do with your free time?  Is it productive?  I don’t mean by “productive” whether it makes money or builds something.  Here is a checklist for your downtime activity:

- Does it get your heart rate pumping?
- Does it make you think in new ways?
- Does it improve the world?
- Does it deepen friendships?

If not, maybe it’s time to rethink how you spend your free time.

Here is a little something from Jagad Guru Chris Butler:

“In his book Small Is Beautiful, noted British economist E. F. Schumacher wrote:

Insights of wisdom … enable us to see the hollowness and fundamental unsatisfactoriness of a life devoted primarily to the pursuit of material ends, to the neglect of the spiritual. Such a life necessarily sets man against man and nation against nation, because man’s needs are infinite and infinitude can be achieved only in the spiritual realm, never in the material.*  

It is a fact that no matter how much sense gratification a person gets, he will never be satisfied. Material food, material things, material sense gratification cannot satisfy the atma (spirit soul). Just as the body needs material food, so the spirit soul needs spiritual food. To try to satisfy one’s spiritual craving with material things leads to endless consumption, greed, envy, violence, and war. Western people have as much sense gratification as one could ever want, yet they are not satisfied. Why? Because they are spiritually empty.”

Jagad Guru Chris Butler - wisdom in daily life 

© 2007 Science of Identity Foundation

* E. F. Schumacher, Small Is Beautiful: Economics as if People Mattered (New York: Harper and Row, 1973), p. 38

Why do you do what you do?   

I just returned from church.  Yes, it’s almost noon on a Wednesday, but my daughter’s class was singing the opening song, so I played hookie.  I can do this because I am my own boss as an SEO consultant and running a freelance writer agency. 

Which brings me to my original point.  I chose to work for myself and to work from home in order to be avaialble to do the things I want to do most during this phase of life, while my young kids are getting less young at what seems like the speed of light.  That will not be my priority in ten years, but it is now.

Think about your life and your career.  Are they in sync?  If not, maybe you can align them better.