Self-Help Happiness Blog

Debt sucks. It’s like a black hole into which is sucked not just your money, but your freedom as well. I would much rather be owed than to owe. When you are beholden to someone, you are at their mercy. They own you.

In the case of credit card debt and credit line debt and other loans, there is a huge financial implication, but the principle is the same as any other debt. You are beholden to the credit card company or loan issuer, and no matter what else you want to do with your money, you better pay them off first.

Being debt-free is one element in increasing happiness, so paying down debt – especially high-interest credit card debt – is a big practical opportunity. But paying down debt is tough, especially when each month the interest is using up so much of the money you would want to use to pay down the debt.

Enter the balance transfer credit cards. This is typically an offer that would read something like this:

Transfer your credit card to us, and for the next six months you will pay no interest.

Or…

Transfer your credit card to our card, and for the next 12 months you will pay just 1.9 percent interest.

This sounds pretty seductive, especially if you are now paying 14 percent or 16 percent or more. Just think of all the things you could do with that extra $300 or $400 or $500 a month that you will save on interest.

STOP!

Don’t think about “all” the things you can do with the money you save on interest. Think about just ONE thing you can do – pay down the debt.

If you are saving $300 per month, that means you have $300 to pay down the debt. At the end of six months, you will have paid off $1800 of debt. Why is this important? Because at the end of six or nine or 12 months, full interest rate will kick in. If you can pay a lot of the debt down while the balance-transfer effect is on, you’ll be much less indebted in the future and you’ll be much better positioned to continue paying down the debt so that you will never be owned by anybody again.

What do you rely on for your happiness?

Do you make your own happiness? Or do you wait for it to come to you?

Do you create your own future? Or do you rely on tarot readings an fortune tellers?

Do you blaze your own path? Or do you follow people around you?

Do you work alone? Or do you prefer to run with the crowd?

These are not right and wrong answer questions. These are questions about who you are. Knowing who you are is important for making decisions in your life.

No matter how much you might fall in love with somebody because you share interests or because you like how they look or talk or smell, if you want to build a lifetime together, the person had better be compatible at a much more fundamental level.

Your next job might seem like fun because of the subject matter. Or the pay. Or because of location, or the company’s reputation. But if your position is not compatible with your personality, you will neither excel at you job nor enjoy it very much. It is one of the great urban legends that if somebody is a good vice president, they should be promoted to president. It takes a totally different personality to excel at being number one than , than at being number two.

You don’t have to be psychic to find your ideal place in the world. But you do have to know yourself.

What I remember most vividly from our marriage preparation course (yeah, that’s a long time ago by now) is learning that in most parts of the world and most times in history marriages were arranged.  You did not marry for love, you loved for marriage.

Recently I read a statement to the effect that in modern society we jump in with a red hot passion, and after the wedding day we slowly let it cool down, whereas in more “traditional” cultures, a marriage starts out cool and the couple spends their life making it grow hotter each day.

What are you doing in your marriage?  Are you making it hotter or cooling it off?  A marriage doesn’t have to be arranged to grow hotter – it simply has to have a spark and two people feeding the fire.

I (guest blogger Delcan) was just thinking earlier (it happens sometimes) about lying on my death bed and looking back over my life. I began to ask myself some tough questions, and if I’m being honest (which I am) I wasn’t comfortable with the conclusions I came up with in the end. I realized that I may not be the happiest death bed person that ever lived and it wasn’t because I was on my way out, but because I may have more regrets than I care to think about whilst I have the chance to change them.

I asked myself a couple of questions…

1. Would I be more afraid to die if I had more regrets?

The answer I came up with was this…

Like many people, I tend to put things off and procrastinate on important things in my life. I think we do this because we believe there is enough time to accomplish these things in the future. The biggest problem with this for me, is that I am on my imaginary death bed and I have no time left to accomplish my goals, dreams or fantasies. There is no tomorrow and there is no second chances. I’m regretful when I look back over my life, I am remorseful and feel self pity, maybe even anger.  How can I leave now, I have so much more to do, I have so much more to give.

My conclusion…

I believe I would be more afraid to die or let go if I had unfinished business or if I felt regretful that I didn’t accomplish more while I had the chance.

2. Is it possible to die without any regrets?

The answer I came up with was this…

The only time I have heard of a person passing on without any regrets was in the movies or in a story about some super person who achieved everything they wanted to achieve in their lifetime. I suppose the answer is yes, if the stories are true. It is obviously going to be different for each individual but it most definitely, maybe, probably is true for some.

My conclusion…

If you want to be lying on your death bed one day with a smile on your face, telling a pink elephant and a leprechaun how you have no regrets, then I guess you better start your life from this moment on with a goal in mind to make sure you have no regrets when it’s time for you to kick on.

3. If I am to live a life without regrets, what do I need to focus on?

The answer I came up with was this…

When I started to think about what could be done to help us live a life without regrets, I came up with the following …

• Stop wasting your time on non important stuff.

How often do we repeat the same course of events day in and day out for a large portion of our lives. We are creatures of comfort and we waste too much time on mundane activities that do not stimulate our imagination and creativity. This will be the biggest regret for the majority of people when they are faced with the tragic fact that they wasted so much time doing f**k all to enhance their lives and the lives of others.

• Don’t regret missed opportunities.

Next time you’re faced with a situation that is calling out for you to take action, don’t fob it off because you are afraid to take it on. Life is too damn short to be second guessing your capabilities or being too afraid to face failure. Embrace every obstacle in your life as an opportunity to grow and expand your arsenal of strengths as you will undoubtedly always learn a valuable lesson.

• Realize that materialism can give you the illusion of happiness.

Yes, you read that right. Attachment to material things is never going to make you happy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy nice things, but realize that the feeling you have when you’re out shopping for a new coat, TV or even car, is not happiness, it’s not even close to happiness. When you spend more time trying to accumulate wealth than you do trying to drop the baggage that is not, and never will be, the person you need to be, then you are getting your fix of happiness from the outside instead of the inside. I’ve only been on one death bed before (imaginary of course) but I can guarantee that there’s not one person alive who would not give up all their wealth for more time, when they realize they need it most.

• Know Thyself.

We have all heard this phrase before but I bet there’s plenty of people who haven’t a clue what it means. The truth is, most people have no idea, they think because they exist, or they know their name, religion, likes and dislikes, that they know themselves. If you want to get a better understanding of who you really are, then I suggest you spend some time in a room, on your own, in silence for at least 30 minutes every single day for a sustained period of time. If you do this then you will get to know your thoughts and feelings on an intimate level without the influence of anything or anyone else. Get to know your mind and how it works. We spend most of our time thinking on automatic pilot, how can we get to know ourselves if we don’t take the time to observe ourselves.

• Truly be grateful for what you have now, and every day you exist.

If you want to appreciate your life, then you must appreciate the abundance you take for granted when you compare it with others less fortunate. Do this every day and you will begin to appreciate your life on a whole new level.

Okay, that’s as far as I got and no doubt I could have added a lot more but the point I would like to end with is this…

We talk all the time about life being short, we also spend a lot of time repeating the same things day after day. We set goals and decide to change our ways year after year. We go on diets, or give up smoking etc. The point is that we say life is short, but it is far shorter than we say, if we keep wasting so much time on s**t that doesn’t serve us now or later. I believe that if we are going to have regrets later on in life, it is because we do not fully appreciate just how important our lives really are.

Does life only become more important when we are faced with the loss of something we value. It is always too late when the time has passed. I’m not being funny here, it is so important to always remember…It is always too late when the time has passed.   IF ONLY…are two words you can avoid if you live a life without regrets.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you have anything to add then feel free to leave a comment, don’t move onto another site and regret it later.

Take care and have a wonderful day.

Delcan writes about a lot of things from personal development to natural health remedies. At the moment he is writing reviews on baby products such as The First Years Wave Stroller. If you are looking quality reviews, why not pop on over to the First Years Wave Stroller for more information..

Have you ever been in a restaurant where the menu has six pages?  I find it impossible to make a decision.  Whatever I choose, I always end up wondering if I selected the best dish.  Most of the times, my husband laughs at my selection… he believes it often turns out to be the worst thing on the menu!  I hate to admit it, but he might be right!   When there are too many options, I don’t know what to have, so I resort to chicken, the safest, but most common and boring choice.

One thing is certain, our world offers people far more choice than before, no matter the field.  One hundred years ago, women, for instance, didn’t have the freedom and autonomy they now enjoy.  They got married as early as they could, they had children and raised them and they managed their homes.  Their life was drawn for them the minute they were born.   When people went to the movies, there was only one movie showing!  People had no choice!   In a way, it was simpler that way!

I’m certainly not suggesting going back to that period of time.  No woman I know wants to go back to the kitchen full time and have a life of servitude.  However, it is undeniable that this increase in freedom and choice came with a price!

In his 2004 book The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, Barry Schwartz talks about the fact that while individuals are now offered more freedom and choice, depression seems to be taking epidemic proportions.

Schwartz partly attributes that fact to the paralyzing effect of the infinite choice, which, according to him, is extremely exhausting to the human psyche.  It raises expectations (if you have many choices, one of them must be perfect) and it creates dissatisfaction (if you’re buying salad dressing and you’re not happy with your choice, it is easy to imagine the alternatives as being much better than your selection, so you end up unhappy about it).

Schwartz gives 11 ways to minimize stress caused by the debilitating effect of decision-making:

- choose when to choose

- be a chooser and not a picker

- satisfice more and maximize less

- think about the opportunity costs

- make decisions non reversible

- practice an attitude of gratitude

- regret less

- anticipate adaptation

- control expectations

- curtail social comparison

- learn to love constraints

I can completely relate to the fact that the abundance of choice can have a negative impact on happiness!  Probably, because it amplifies the myth that perfection exists.  We tend to believe that if there is such a wide selection, there must be a perfect choice!  The problem is there is no such a thing as the perfect job, the perfect time to have children, the perfect spouse, the perfect house or the perfect meal!  And when you take too much time to make a decision, you miss opportunities!

Analysis by paralysis…. that is what needs to be avoided when it comes to choices!   Choosing means being in motion,… but it has to be done with  no regret and no expectations!  And you always have to be ready to change direction if need be! At least, even if you slightly change your goals, you’ll always feel you’re going forward!

First off I should say that my mother was never diagnosed as bipolar but looking back as an adult, lots of research, some basic education in psychology and after speaking to trained professionals I believe it’s a very accurate diagnosis. Your parents and family are meant to be there for you no matter what, they should support you and encourage you and you should always feel safe and protected by them but if you’re growing up with a family member who has any psychological or mental illness this is very rarely the case. You feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells, you know they’ll be good days but at the same time you know they’ll be bad days too.

You can’t live your life around them

It’s not fair to live your whole life like you’re walking on egg shells but this is sometimes unavoidable. You know it can only take the smallest thing to trigger a storm but at the same time your home life needs to be somewhere you can relax. One thing I found helped was to have a kettle with some powder milk, tea, coffee and sugar in my room and a small box of snacks. Hiding away in your room shouldn’t have to be the answer but if this happens more often than not you need to make sure it’s as comfortable as possible. It’s their house too but there is a very large degree of irrationality to mental illnesses in that they’ll take it out any mood swings on the first thing they’ll see. If you’re not under their nose your life will be easier.

You need a release

No matter if it’s just a half an hour walk round your neighbourhood or you join a local club or activity group find something away from home and away from school that can take your mind off things even if it’s just for an hour or two a week. If you like listening to music really study it and learn to produce it yourself or dance to it. I was never fanatically into music but there were some songs that really had prominent lyrics to me that helped. Reading is also another good way to lose yourself for a few hours.

Look forwards not backwards

This is one I’ve learned with hindsight. Nothing is forever; you’ll grow up, move out and live your own life one day. For now it sucks and there’s a good chance tomorrow is going to suck too but next year or the year after it will get better. Find one thing you’re looking forward to that’s not too far away, going out with your friends, a holiday or even a shopping trip anything that you can concentrate on to take your mind off today. If you have nothing coming up over the next few weeks arrange something.

You can’t blame them for your life

This is one you need to learn as soon as possible and it took me a long time to learn and I’m still learning it today. You can storm around as a teenager and get away with it because ‘my mother never loved me’ but as an adult it’s quite pathetic. You are your own person, with your own personality and ultimately responsible for your own decisions and your own destiny. You might look at your friends who come from loving ‘conventional’ families but the chances are the majority of them have something they dislike about the way their parents raised them. If you want to get an education you can get an education, of course that’s easier said than done but it’s not impossible. My mother’s favourite quote was that I’d never amount to anything. I worked hard at several jobs and put myself through university. It wasn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep for about three years but only a very weak forty year old says it’s their parent’s fault they never made anything of their life.

You can’t hold a grudge

This is another one I’m still leaning today. I don’t think I can ever forgive my mother for some of the things she told me growing up and I’ll have physical and mental scars from her for the rest of my life but as I’ve already mentioned only a very weak adult uses the past as an excuse for the present. There are some things that will be unforgivable but the majority of things need to be left in the past. Now I no longer live at home I have an OK relationship with my mother, it makes me sad that we couldn’t have this mother/daughter relationship when I needed it as a child but I’ll take what I can get now and leave the past in the past.

Jessica grew up to be a happy, well adjusted adult who lived happily ever after (so far) who works as an SEO for a home furniture company

OK, the word is officially in.  The world did not end today.  I have this from a reliable source.  He tells me not to worry if you didn’t rapture; it’s not the end of the world.

You will hear many other prophecies, and many of them will even come true.  In fact, the world will end some day, whether there are any humans around to witness it or not.  But I suggest you don’t worry too much about specific dates, because it is unlikely that any of us can predict with that kind of precision.

There are plenty of things you can worry about, things you can actually change, things where you can make a difference.  Worry about those instead — but don’t just sit around worrying.  Do.  Something.  Make a difference.  Change the bad that might have been into the good that can be.

That might just be what this guy will have to do…

If you think only boy scouts and firefighters need to be prepared, consider these words by 19th century US Bishop Phillips Brooks:

“Some day, in years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now, in these quiet weeks. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.”

Every one of us will face challenges. Every one of us will be tested. Every one of will have choices to make, judgments to cast. Today, you laid the groundwork for those challenges, those tests, those choices, those judgments. Tomorrow you will lay more groundwork. And the next day. And the day after that.

Follow your values today, and your values will guide you down the right path in times of stress.

…the air out of a room when you make it all about you.

…the life out of everyone around you when you make it all about you.

…the joy out of every endeavor when you make it all about you.

…the lightness out of every quest when you make it all about you.

…the potential out of every business when you make it all about you.

You fill.

…every room,

…every person,

…every endeavor,

…every quest,

…every business with life, with energy, with potential,

When you make it all about them.

++++

The challenge is to serve, solve and delight from a place of genuine personal interest without relying on the experience to complete you.

Agree, disagree…need more latte?

Reprinted with permission from personal development and marketing blog – JonathanFields.com

A father and his son, a young adult, were driving to the cottage. The father was worried, because his son had fallen into companionship with people who might lead him astray, and he was trying to help his son see that it was time for him to take his life a little more seriously.

“Aw, dad, I know you mean well, and I know I’m not really doing you proud, but I like to party. I’ll get on the right track some day. I don’t need to worry.”

They drove a little further, when suddenly the son said, “Hey dad, that was the turnoff for the cottage. You missed the turnoff.”

“I know,” said the father. “I think I’ll just keep driving this way for a while. I can always go back later to take the right road.”

A few more minutes – and a couple turnoffs – passed. The son began to think of the swimming he would miss if they arrived too late. “Dad, the farther you go down this road, the longer it will take to get back.”

The father replied, “That’s true. The further you go down the wrong track, the harder it is to get back. So when were you thinking of turning your life around to head down the right track?”

Where do you want to go? What do you want out of life? Most importantly, what are you waiting for?