I was inspired by American Top 40 Countdown. You might have heard of the band Lady Antebellum (Yes, it is a band, not a person). Nevertheless, there is a lady in the band: Hillary Scott.
Hillary failed twice at American Idol. Yes, she tried and did not make it past the first-stage auditions.
So she tried again. And the second time, she also failed to make it past the first-stage auditions.
Don’t worry, Hillary. You join a n auspicious line of “losers”, including Abraham Lincoln:
Started a business – bankrupt.
Ran for state legislature – lost.
Applied to law school – rejected.
Started a business – bankrupt.
Ran for state legislature again – won.
Engaged when his sweetheart died – heart broken.
Had nervous breakdown – bed-ridden for six months.
Ran for speaker of the state legislature – lost.
Ran for elector – lost.
Ran for Congress – lost.
Ran for Congress again – won.
Ran for re-election to Congress – lost.
Sought the job of state land officer – rejected.
Ran for Senate of the United States – lost.
Sought Vice-Presidential nomination – lost.
Ran for U.S. Senate again – lost.
Elected president of the United States.
And Canada’s John Diefenbaker:
Moved to Wakaw to practice law – locals refused to rent him office space.
Ran for village council – won.
Ran for Parliament – lost.
Ran for Parliament again – lost.
Ran for provincial legislature – lost.
Ran for mayor of Prince Albert – lost.
Elected provincial party leader by default (nobody else wanted the job)
Ran for Premier – lost and lost his seat.
Ran for Parliament – won.
Ran for federal party leader – lost.
Ran for federal party leader – won.
Ran for Prime Minister – and won three consecutive elections.
First off I should say that my mother was never diagnosed as bipolar but looking back as an adult, lots of research, some basic education in psychology and after speaking to trained professionals I believe it’s a very accurate diagnosis. Your parents and family are meant to be there for you no matter what, they should support you and encourage you and you should always feel safe and protected by them but if you’re growing up with a family member who has any psychological or mental illness this is very rarely the case. You feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells, you know they’ll be good days but at the same time you know they’ll be bad days too.
You can’t live your life around them
It’s not fair to live your whole life like you’re walking on egg shells but this is sometimes unavoidable. You know it can only take the smallest thing to trigger a storm but at the same time your home life needs to be somewhere you can relax. One thing I found helped was to have a kettle with some powder milk, tea, coffee and sugar in my room and a small box of snacks. Hiding away in your room shouldn’t have to be the answer but if this happens more often than not you need to make sure it’s as comfortable as possible. It’s their house too but there is a very large degree of irrationality to mental illnesses in that they’ll take it out any mood swings on the first thing they’ll see. If you’re not under their nose your life will be easier.
You need a release
No matter if it’s just a half an hour walk round your neighbourhood or you join a local club or activity group find something away from home and away from school that can take your mind off things even if it’s just for an hour or two a week. If you like listening to music really study it and learn to produce it yourself or dance to it. I was never fanatically into music but there were some songs that really had prominent lyrics to me that helped. Reading is also another good way to lose yourself for a few hours.
Look forwards not backwards
This is one I’ve learned with hindsight. Nothing is forever; you’ll grow up, move out and live your own life one day. For now it sucks and there’s a good chance tomorrow is going to suck too but next year or the year after it will get better. Find one thing you’re looking forward to that’s not too far away, going out with your friends, a holiday or even a shopping trip anything that you can concentrate on to take your mind off today. If you have nothing coming up over the next few weeks arrange something.
You can’t blame them for your life
This is one you need to learn as soon as possible and it took me a long time to learn and I’m still learning it today. You can storm around as a teenager and get away with it because ‘my mother never loved me’ but as an adult it’s quite pathetic. You are your own person, with your own personality and ultimately responsible for your own decisions and your own destiny. You might look at your friends who come from loving ‘conventional’ families but the chances are the majority of them have something they dislike about the way their parents raised them. If you want to get an education you can get an education, of course that’s easier said than done but it’s not impossible. My mother’s favourite quote was that I’d never amount to anything. I worked hard at several jobs and put myself through university. It wasn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep for about three years but only a very weak forty year old says it’s their parent’s fault they never made anything of their life.
You can’t hold a grudge
This is another one I’m still leaning today. I don’t think I can ever forgive my mother for some of the things she told me growing up and I’ll have physical and mental scars from her for the rest of my life but as I’ve already mentioned only a very weak adult uses the past as an excuse for the present. There are some things that will be unforgivable but the majority of things need to be left in the past. Now I no longer live at home I have an OK relationship with my mother, it makes me sad that we couldn’t have this mother/daughter relationship when I needed it as a child but I’ll take what I can get now and leave the past in the past.
Jessica grew up to be a happy, well adjusted adult who lived happily ever after (so far) who works as an SEO for a home furniture company
A recent series I watched on TV followed a young British engineer as he traveled around the country on a longboat, celebrating Britain’s industrial heritage. One episode featured the humble tin of baked beans, and in this article I want to cover what this teaches us about goal achievement…
Guy Martin is an engineer and well known bike racer. Well known in bike racing circles that is, I confess I had never heard of him before watching his TV series.
In ‘The Boat That Guy Built’ on the BBC, he wanted to remind people of a 150 year period when British inventions and engineering helped to change the world, to drive the industrial revolution.
He traveled around on his barge, fitting it out using traditional techniques, and I was drawn in by the whole series. One episode featured him making baked beans on toast, so he went right back to the basics and history of the can, making it by hand. This is where the goal achievement lesson comes in…
The patent for the tin can was given in the early 1800s in Britain, and it wasn’t long before it had been sold on and developed, as a way of storing provisions for the army and navy. This was state of the art stuff at the time, rather like NASA inventing ideas for the space program.
Within a few years though, maybe a decade or so, the baked bean had moved from being a novelty food for the posh to a common ingredient, and the tin can had gone from being experimental to being part of everyday life.
It was taken for granted.
150 Years Later
This is all over 150 years ago now, but the lesson we can take today is still fresh…
While it’s possible that your goal may be groundbreaking, it’s more likely that it has been achieved before. Someone, somewhere, will take it for granted. Someone, somewhere, will have gone through the trial and error process and got to the end result.
Yes, it will be new for *you*, there will be learning and set backs, but you can make the journey far easier if you seek out the knowledge of others who have gone before.
You will also have an easier ride of it mentally if you imagine yourself in the position of those who take your goal for granted.
Developing an assurance that your goal will happen, helps to motivate you when you come to step that are wary or nervous about – you’ll be much more confident to take it when you know others have been there before.
So to sum up, the humble tin of baked beans can teach us about trial and error, and it can teach us about repositioning goals in our mind as taken for granted rather than experimental.
I loved Guy Martin’s show, and the next time you are struggling with a goal, open a cupboard and stare at a baked bean tin for some inspiration!
To be able to go on to do great things, children need encouragement and inspiration. A child will try his or her best when a parent’s support is behind them. Sometimes it’s not easy to figure out exactly how to help kids with this, but there are some things you can do that are sure to inspire.
Follow Your Child’s Bliss
Pay attention to what your child loves. If he or she loves art, encourage the creation of paintings, sculptures, drawings, or whichever media they have an interest in and keep plenty of art materials on hand. If you notice your child looking at the stars and gravitating toward astronomy topics, make plans for trips to a planetarium. Know what your child is interested in and feed that interest in every way possible.
Give Your Child New Experiences
There is nothing like learning about different cultures and seeing new things to open a child’s mind. It isn’t necessary to take a trip to Japan or Africa to accomplish this. Learning about how things are done in a culture on the other side of the world can show a child that all humans are different and interesting. Going to plays, ballets performances, and museums also fall into this category.
Turn off the Electronics
On at least one night a week, turn off the television, computers, phones, and any other gadget that the family is attached to, and have the family create something together. Any child, regardless of interests, should learn to create. Whether you paint something on a canvas, put together a birdhouse, or build a piece of play equipment for the back yard, make something that your child can see every day and be proud of helping to create.
Look into Extracurricular
Whether it’s a day camp for a particular interest, Scouts youth organization, or sports team, get your child into some extracurricular activity. This gives kids the opportunity to work with other kids outside of a school atmosphere. It is important that your child be interested, though. Some children won’t mesh well with all activities.
Expect Good Things, but Don’t Go Too Far
Letting your child know what you expect in terms of school and activities is a good thing. But be careful not to apply too much pressure. Becoming angry when one of their activities doesn’t work out the way you expected it to will only discourage your child. Celebrate over your child’s efforts toward something, rather than only rewarding a perfect result. Also realize that not all children will be good at everything. It may take a few tries before you and your child figure out the best activities and interests for him or her.
In conclusion, do not underestimate the importance of building your own inspiration as a parent. Read parenting books, discover inspiring family quotes, exchange with other parents and do not hesitate to try new activities.
And do not forget, the key is to spend quality time with your child. This is something your child will remember forever.
This is Part One of a two-part discussion. Before you read my comments, you’ll want to be familiar with “Tough Little Boys”, a country song by Gary Allan that has been bouncing around in my head the past couple weeks. This is an extremely touching song that any parent will relate to, especially dads, but even my ten-year-old daughter gets it.
Here is the video, followed by the lyrics, followed by my comments.
Tough Little Boys – Video
Tough Little Boys – Lyrics
Well I never once
Backed down from a punch
Well I’d take it square on the chin
But I found out fast
That bullies just laugh
And we’ve got to stand up to them
So I didn’t cry when I got a black eye
As bad as it hurt, I just grinned
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again.
Scared me to death
When you took your first steps
And I’d fall every time you fell down
Your first day of school, I cried like a fool
And I followed your school bus to town
Well I didn’t cry, when Old Yeller died
At least not in front of my friends
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
Well I’m a grown man
But as strong as I am
Sometimes its hard to believe
How one little girl, with little blonde curls
Could totally terrify me
If you were to ask, my wife would just laugh
She’d say “I know all about men
How tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again”
Well I know one day, I’ll give you away
But I’m gonna stand there and smile
But when I get home, and I’m all alone
Well, I’ll sit in your room for a while
Well I didn’t cry when Old Yeller died
At least not in front of my friends
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
When tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
Tough Little Boys – Commentary
Today’s post is about the first paragraph, about the importance of standing up to bullies. I don’t think the typical adult is subjected to messages about bullying, and the bullying adults face is more subtle than with kids. Many people face bullying on the job that is harder to recognize as such than “Give me your lunch money or I’ll smash your brains into lizard spit!” More often, there is the underlying risk of losing one’s job or of being passed over for promotion if one doesn’t…
Work lots of extra hours
Fetch coffee for the boss
Sleep with the boss
I would like to think such occurrences are extremely rare, but I suspect they are somewhat more common than I would like.
Adults could learn from the kids’ messages, and sometimes it’s worth risking a job loss or promotion loss rather than a loss of dignity and self-esteem (I know, I know, this is not always an easy call).
I recall just four fights I was in as a kid. Just four because I was a coward. Yes, I would do just about anything to get out of a fight. But there were four times that my inner coward lost the battle.
Once the kid hit me good in the jaw. But I didn’t hit back. Just as in the song – “As bad as it hurt, I just grinned” – and after that first punch, it was over. I guess he didn’t know what to do with someone who doesn’t hit back.
I met the same kid a second time, just off school property after school, just as he challenged me to. He didn’t hit me that time. He said something about respecting me for showing up, and he let it drop.
The third time (I think I have these in chronological order) was a different kid, who also punched me in the jaw and broke his hand. I don’t know if it really broke, but he did go see the school nurse – either way, i like my memory’s version and I have no need to learn whether my jaw really was a fist-breaker or not.
The fourth time, I did run – but I will beg your forgiveness. The other boy did not try to hit me. Son a moved out of the way. He ran after me and tried to kick me. So I moved out of his way. Like this, he chased me around the school yard for about ten minutes before giving up. I actually recall him getting more and more frustrated and angry and I was finding it harder and harder not to laugh.
Kids have to learn to resist bullying, but so do adults. It’s worth watching some kids shows and learning from them. There are a lot of basic life lessons that many adults still need to learn, too.
There is another excuse – oops, I mean another “reason” – why you should spend some time on Twitter or Digg or FaceBook or MySpace.
A recent study of 268 Michigan State University students reveals that those who use Facebook.com have higher self-esteem than students who don’t because they keep in closer touch with their friends.
Not surprisingly, the benefits of social media participation were most pronounced for thsoe who experience low self-esteem. Social media gives them a means of entering into more productive interactions than they sometimes encounter in real life. In fact, it allows them to easily make friends.
Does that mean that virtual friendships should take the place of real friendships? Not at all. But a healthy dose of virtual socialization makes a great supplement for people who are not already overly socially extended in real life. In fact, it’s ideal for people like me who work from home. But before heading out to Twitter or FaceBook or Digg, you might want to read this work-from-home fasion Q&A. After all, you don’t want to meet new friends on Twitter wearing the wrong pattern pajamas, do you?
We are springs. Everything that knocks us down is a chance to jump up even higher. Every loss is a chance to show that we can bounce back and try even harder.
Every fall is a chance to get back up and show that we won’t be kept down.
Nobody and nothing can defeat us. The only person who can defeat you is you. If you give up, you are defeated. If you persevere, you win. It really doesn’t matter what they throw at you, you are a spring and you can bounce back.
Whatever happens, keep going. If you keep bouncing back, you win!
I am a big fan making the jump. Too many people stay in the “comfort zone” of a job they hate, wishing they could just get out. Well, surprise – they can!
I left a job that I liked, but which had some very compelling aspects that I did not like. As the public spokesperson for CAA Ontario, I needed to be available nearly 24-7 for the media, which among other things meant staying in my 800 square-foot downtown Toronto condo. That’s not a lot of space for me, my wife, my office and our new baby.
So we made a lifestyle choice to move to the country, which meant quitting that job and making it on our own. Neither my wife nor I had an ounce of entrepreneurial blood in our veins, but we made that jump. I called many people I had worked with while in Toronto, and several of them were in awe, saying, “I wish I could leave my job.”
You can. You just have to decide you want it enough.
Here is a great blog post on the top 10 excuses why people stay in jobs they don’t like:
My Christmas wish to you is that you enjoy being you. There is no greater gift a person can have than self-acualization, to be comfortable with who you are and fulfilled with what you do. Here is a poem that one of our Daily Dose of Happiness Subscribers sent me on the topic:
Today is right where you need to be
It is where you need to be, to get you to where you are going tomorrow
And tomorrow will be better than any day before
Live life for yourself, be true to yourself, and everything you deserve will fall into place
What makes you “younique”? Sure, you have a unique retina and a unique finger print. And your dental records are all your own. You might even have your own personal file at the CIA, the KGB or Interpol.
But what makes you most unique is your experiences, thousands even millions of moments that nobody else has shared. So many moments that have shaped who you are. So many reactions that have programmed you how to process information and react now to any situation in your own special way. So many lessons you have learned, even without realizing, that inspire you to achieve, to share, to act, to think and to do everything you do.
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Hillary failed twice at American Idol. Yes, she tried and did not make it past the first-stage auditions.
