Self-Help Happiness Blog

I read this recently, “There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.” An anonymous quote, but a very powerful one for us parents.

Now how can I eavesdrop on my kids…?

It was deep in the midst of January, and the cold was taking its toll on Hidden Valley’s wildlife community.

The Porcupine Family was hunkered down, trying to keep warm by cuddling close to one another. Like this, they were able to cover themselves and protect each other from the cold, much the way penguins do in Antarctica.

Alas, the quills of each porcupine wounded its closest companions. Before long, each of them had had pretty much enough and they decided to distance themselves one from the other.

But cold is cold and freezing is freezing and they slowly began to die – alone and frozen. So the Porcupines had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or succumb to a slow and painful death.

Wisely, they decided to get back together. It was not easy, but they learned to put up with the little wounds caused by such a close relationship with their companions, in order to receive the living warmth that came from the others. It was like this that the Porcupine family was able to survive the cold winter.

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings perfect people closer together. It is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of the others and can admire each other’s endearing qualities and find happiness together.

My family enjoys our happiest times when we are sharing mutual interests. Being the mother of two teenage sons, it is up to me to try to stay up-to-date with their interests, because they sure aren’t going to make the effort with mine. However, I have found that not only did I become closer to my sons by doing this, I also broadened my horizons and truly enjoyed many of their favorite things.

Here are some of the things you can do to better connect with your family:

1. Watch their favorite television shows
This is one of the best things you can do. Because television series are continuing, this can lead to ongoing conversations that can last for months or even years. You might also discover some great TV series that you never would have tried (My family used to talk for hours on end about Lost). (See 20 Best TV Shows for Parent / Teen Bonding).

2. In addition to watching your teenagers favorite films, introduce them to classic films that they would enjoy
There are so many great teen movies from the eighties that your teens would love and so many classic movies from throughout the years that they are ready to see now. Even if they prefer to watch them with their friends, you can still have great discussions with your teens about the movies the next day. (See 75 Classic Movies Teens Should See ).

3. Share music and video games with Guitar Hero or Rock Band
The Guitar Hero and Rock Band series of video games have been one of the best games to ever bring parents and teenagers together. Many teens first discovered classic rock through these games. Later versions began including new rock songs, which parents could then learn. An entire family can play at once as different band members.

4. Share Young Adult Books with your teens, adults love many of them also
I’ve become a big fan. I devoured the Harry Potter and Twilight series and just read and couldn’t put down The Hunger Games series, the hot new series that is coming out with its first movie next year.

5. Communicate with your teens through the type of technology they prefer
Most teens prefer text messages to phone calls. They will more happily respond to you if you contact them by the method of their choice. (See Text Messaging with Your Teens ).

Guest blogger Jennifer Wagner is the creator and writer of the blog, Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology,  where you can keep up-to-date of TV, books, movies, music, gadgets, the Internet, websites, education , and all things teenage.

First off I should say that my mother was never diagnosed as bipolar but looking back as an adult, lots of research, some basic education in psychology and after speaking to trained professionals I believe it’s a very accurate diagnosis. Your parents and family are meant to be there for you no matter what, they should support you and encourage you and you should always feel safe and protected by them but if you’re growing up with a family member who has any psychological or mental illness this is very rarely the case. You feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells, you know they’ll be good days but at the same time you know they’ll be bad days too.

You can’t live your life around them

It’s not fair to live your whole life like you’re walking on egg shells but this is sometimes unavoidable. You know it can only take the smallest thing to trigger a storm but at the same time your home life needs to be somewhere you can relax. One thing I found helped was to have a kettle with some powder milk, tea, coffee and sugar in my room and a small box of snacks. Hiding away in your room shouldn’t have to be the answer but if this happens more often than not you need to make sure it’s as comfortable as possible. It’s their house too but there is a very large degree of irrationality to mental illnesses in that they’ll take it out any mood swings on the first thing they’ll see. If you’re not under their nose your life will be easier.

You need a release

No matter if it’s just a half an hour walk round your neighbourhood or you join a local club or activity group find something away from home and away from school that can take your mind off things even if it’s just for an hour or two a week. If you like listening to music really study it and learn to produce it yourself or dance to it. I was never fanatically into music but there were some songs that really had prominent lyrics to me that helped. Reading is also another good way to lose yourself for a few hours.

Look forwards not backwards

This is one I’ve learned with hindsight. Nothing is forever; you’ll grow up, move out and live your own life one day. For now it sucks and there’s a good chance tomorrow is going to suck too but next year or the year after it will get better. Find one thing you’re looking forward to that’s not too far away, going out with your friends, a holiday or even a shopping trip anything that you can concentrate on to take your mind off today. If you have nothing coming up over the next few weeks arrange something.

You can’t blame them for your life

This is one you need to learn as soon as possible and it took me a long time to learn and I’m still learning it today. You can storm around as a teenager and get away with it because ‘my mother never loved me’ but as an adult it’s quite pathetic. You are your own person, with your own personality and ultimately responsible for your own decisions and your own destiny. You might look at your friends who come from loving ‘conventional’ families but the chances are the majority of them have something they dislike about the way their parents raised them. If you want to get an education you can get an education, of course that’s easier said than done but it’s not impossible. My mother’s favourite quote was that I’d never amount to anything. I worked hard at several jobs and put myself through university. It wasn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep for about three years but only a very weak forty year old says it’s their parent’s fault they never made anything of their life.

You can’t hold a grudge

This is another one I’m still leaning today. I don’t think I can ever forgive my mother for some of the things she told me growing up and I’ll have physical and mental scars from her for the rest of my life but as I’ve already mentioned only a very weak adult uses the past as an excuse for the present. There are some things that will be unforgivable but the majority of things need to be left in the past. Now I no longer live at home I have an OK relationship with my mother, it makes me sad that we couldn’t have this mother/daughter relationship when I needed it as a child but I’ll take what I can get now and leave the past in the past.

Jessica grew up to be a happy, well adjusted adult who lived happily ever after (so far) who works as an SEO for a home furniture company

To be able to go on to do great things, children need encouragement and inspiration. A child will try his or her best when a parent’s support is behind them. Sometimes it’s not easy to figure out exactly how to help kids with this, but there are some things you can do that are sure to inspire.

Follow Your Child’s Bliss

Pay attention to what your child loves. If he or she loves art, encourage the creation of paintings, sculptures, drawings, or whichever media they have an interest in and keep plenty of art materials on hand. If you notice your child looking at the stars and gravitating toward astronomy topics, make plans for trips to a planetarium. Know what your child is interested in and feed that interest in every way possible.

Give Your Child New Experiences

There is nothing like learning about different cultures and seeing new things to open a child’s mind. It isn’t necessary to take a trip to Japan or Africa to accomplish this. Learning about how things are done in a culture on the other side of the world can show a child that all humans are different and interesting. Going to plays, ballets performances, and museums also fall into this category.

Turn off the Electronics

On at least one night a week, turn off the television, computers, phones, and any other gadget that the family is attached to, and have the family create something together. Any child, regardless of interests, should learn to create. Whether you paint something on a canvas, put together a birdhouse, or build a piece of play equipment for the back yard, make something that your child can see every day and be proud of helping to create.

Look into Extracurricular

Whether it’s a day camp for a particular interest, Scouts youth organization, or sports team, get your child into some extracurricular activity. This gives kids the opportunity to work with other kids outside of a school atmosphere. It is important that your child be interested, though. Some children won’t mesh well with all activities.

Expect Good Things, but Don’t Go Too Far

Letting your child know what you expect in terms of school and activities is a good thing. But be careful not to apply too much pressure. Becoming angry when one of their activities doesn’t work out the way you expected it to will only discourage your child. Celebrate over your child’s efforts toward something, rather than only rewarding a perfect result. Also realize that not all children will be good at everything. It may take a few tries before you and your child figure out the best activities and interests for him or her.

In conclusion, do not underestimate the importance of building your own inspiration as a parent. Read parenting books, discover inspiring family quotes, exchange with other parents and do not hesitate to try new activities.

And do not forget, the key is to spend quality time with your child. This is something your child will remember forever.

About the author: David is the manager of FamousQuotesIndex.com, an interactive database containing close to 30,000 quotes and citations from famous people and popular movies. This post has been featured in the Spring Homeschool Carnival and the Garden of Learning homeschooling carnival.

Do you buy greeting cards for the people closest to you? Why not make them instead? Oh, sure, you won’t create a work of art or make some witty saying like those store-bought greeting cards. But it’s not for art or wit that you are giving the card, right?

A hand-made card shows that you took the time to do something special for your loved one. Let me repeat that with the right emphasis: A hand-made card shows that YOU took the time to do something special for your loved one.

You wouldn’t outsource your hugs. You wouldn’t outsource your hand shakes. You wouldn’t outsource your kisses or your smiles or your phone calls. Don’t outsource your greeting cards to some factory somewhere. Make your own and show that they really do come from the heart.  From your heart.

Taken from today’s Daily Dose of Happiness

This one is for all the parents and soon-to-be parents reading…

Parenting is pure happiness.
Full of mumminess and pappiness
You jump for joy
When you hear “It’s a boy”
And the room is filled with clappiness

Feel free to add your own limericks to complete the story.  Let’s see how creative you can be.  After all, what follows are sleepless nights, first steps, birthday parties, ballet lessons and hockey games..