Self-Help Happiness Blog

New on this blog is a blog carnival with a twist. This is the first Self-help Comment Carnival, where I share with you a few of the more interesting comments I have left on various blogs over the past week or so.

I loved this quote so much …

A pastor saw a beggar amidst the crowd at a Christian conference he was attending. He felt compassion for him and prayed to God, “Lord, please touch him!” Immediately he felt the Lord speak to his heart, “I will, if you will.”

… that I just had to leave a comment over at City Rescue Mission

When Stacey at The Habit Building Challenge started talking about – you, guessed it – habits, I could not resist putting my oars into the water …

I have always believed this is true, that habits define how we succeed or fail at things. We are creatures of habit and we will do mostly things we are accustomed to, so we better make sure those are good things, positive things, productive things. That’s why when I write my book on happiness, I focused on the habits that can make the biggest difference, mostly negative habits that can and should be turned into positive habits.

I had to agree that Dr. Sahnnon Reese’s Life is Abundant (and all of ours are, too) …

Those are ten great reasons why your life is abundant. Even if you stopped after the first two – I am healthy and strong, and I have what I need – your life is abundant. The rest are all great, too, wonderful bonuses. But the fact that even the “poor” people in North America and Europe are rich beyond the wildest dreams of our great-great-great-great-great-grand-parents is enough to make us abundant.

I could go on and on about materialism run amok, but The Cyber Monday No Show did a pretty good job for me. I just added a few words…

Bravo! The last thing our spoiled-brat society that is drowning in overconsumption needs is a holiday dedicated to shopping. Which, unfortunately, is overshadowing the very holiday on which we are supposed to feel gratitude for our overabundance. When greed battles gratitude, look who wins. People may say with words that they support the Occupy Wall Street protesters, but Black Friday and Cyber Monday prove that they would much rather feed the beast than tame it.

On Accepting Inconveniences as a Part of Life, I added this…

Beautiful. I have always said that the reason we get sick is so as to appreciate our health the rest of the time. And the reason we have winter, is so we can appreciate the summer (I still haven’t reasoned away why we need 5-6 months of winter, but that’s another story).

And I got mushy (no, that doesn’t happen very often!) at Kevin’s 20 Things I’m Thankful for this Thanksgiving post …

Kevin, a wonderful list of things to be grateful for, and I think I see my name between the lines there. I can say wholeheartedly that it goes two ways; the “cyber friends who helped make my blogging career possible” are just as grateful for your ongoing support. It has been said before, but in many ways I feel we are more like a family than folks who work together in offices. We have all the support and none of the office politics. Happy Thanksgiving.

I want to share with you the message that was sent out today to subscribers of A Daily Dose of Happiness.  This is particularly timely because of the credit crunch that is making everyone suffer, but if you are a sensitive sort, you might not want to read any further; I am about to rain on most people’s parade. 

The credit crunch is a product of – let’s not mince words – greed.  All of our greed.  We wanted more, more, more (SFX: maniacal laughter in background).  Well, we got more, more, more than we could ever hope to throw away without even opening the excess packaging.  Sooner or later we have to pay for it.  Sooner or later has arrived.

Today’s Daily Dose of Happiness Message 

You know that whole debate about money buying happiness. It gets overly simplified, like far too many things.

I recall attending a Zig Ziglar seminar a few years ago. He said, “Money is not the most important thing in life, but it comes reasonably close to oxygen.”

His point is well taken, but how much oxygen do you need? There is a point at which more oxygen can be a life-saver. There is also a point where more oxygen becomes overkill.

Likewise with money. The first dollar you make this year will be very, very important for your happiness. At some point, when your basic needs are secured, the value of money starts falling dramatically. The 100,000th dollar you make this year will likely bring some extra momentary pleasure, but is unlikely to  actually make you happier.

The key is to find the point at which money stops making you happier. Any investment of additional time to earn more money will actually reduce your happiness (more money that does not add to your happiness, less time that would have).

Any further compromise of values or principles required to earn more money will likewise reduce your happiness (more money that does not add to your happiness, less integrity that would have).

Instead of accepting that we have to pay for all the excess of the past couple decades, we want the government (that’s us, remember?) to buy us even more excess.  Yes, we in the Western world really are embarassingly spoiled rich kids.  The problem, as any credit counselor can tell you, is that you cannot spend your way out of debt.   And as we dig our way into even greater debt, I just cannot see how that creates more happiness.  I fear we are collectively handing over the keys to what I call “The Merchants of Misery” in my book, Climb Your Stairway to Heaven.

Watching my parents age, especially my father, is very instructive. OK, that’s the mild term for it. Nobody can watch their parents age without undergoing a whirlwind of emotions.

Just as we see so much of ourselves in our children, even our own hope for the future and carrying on our own legacy, so, too, we see so much of ourselves in our parents and we see them paving a path that bears our name on it, as well.

What I am mostly seeing now is my father unable to climb stairs or lift his foot high enough to get into the bathtub. Yes, simple things. Everyday movements. Things we take for granted without even giving it a second thought.I have never been afraid of dying (although I find it pretty surrealistic trying to imagine a world without me – not being interpreted through my own perspective), but I confess to being afraid of going old. I have always said that I don’t want to slowly waste away – just drop a piano on my head. I don’t even want to see it coming.

Of course, watching my parents lose their mobility stirs certain emotions in me.

But one surprising emotion that has appeared is gratitude. Yes. My father is showing me how blessed I am (and hopefully will remain for another half a century) to be able to walk without even thinking about it. To run. To jump. To chase my kids through the forest. To dig in the garden. To do my morning push-ups. Yes! Whatever you take for granted – that’s what deserves appreciating and cheering for the most.

And he is motivating me like nothing ever has before to keep fit. To not let fatigue or overscheduling keep me from at least carrying on some strength and flexibility exercises. This, too, is a very good thing.

NOTE: A previous article on self-esteem and aging gracefully that I wrote…um…how long ago? Gee, I’m racing toward my aging years a lightening speed!

Look at how many people live on less than $2 per day!  This is incredible.  Imagine living on what would buy you no more than a handful of rice and beans and perhaps a glass of milk.  No clothes.  No shelter.  No vehicle.  Not even Internet access.

OK, that’s not completely true.  Many of these people have makeshift houses they build themselves.  And many of them have access to in-season fruits and vegetables.  And most do have some meager clothing.  But none of them will be reading this — even those who can read — because Internet is not something even within their world.

Do I mention this to make you sad?  No, quite the contrary.  You should feel lucky, blessed, fortunate and generous as a result of the blessings you have.  Enough of the “if only I had…” or “if only I could…” or “I just have to get one of those…”  We are all living in the lap of luxury, even most of those who are labeled “poor” have more than the majority of people living today, and an even greater majority of people living throughout history.

In a recnt Daily Dose of Happiness I wrote:

SAFETYHaving just read an article in Maclean’s called “Butchers and Monsters”, about how the Chinese government bullies the people in the territory it controls, I am reminded of how lucky I am to live where and when I do. I know most of our readers share that luck, but not all.It’s not just that this is a safe place, but also it is a safe time. Most people throughout history have had to live in the shadows of a bully ruler who could pretty much do whatever he chose with peasants in territory he controlled.  Most people throughout history have had to live in fear that a village or kingdom or principality nearby or farther
away would invade, loot or otherwise destroy their village.Those of us with the good fortune to be living in times of peace in the land of people will never be able to truly understand how it is to live looking over your shoulder.  But let us be grateful that we will never truly understand.

This edition drew a number of interesting comments.  Some were political, such as whether Western media is reporting China with bias and opinions on illegal immigration, which are interesting topics but beside the point.  Others addressed the heart of the topic, essentially questioning the notion that we live in relatively fear-free times/place.  I would like to share a couple of them with you here.

You forget about those who live with sick and mean people. I look over my shoulder 24/7 where I live, for fear of being yelled at, evicted for the flip of a hat reason, chased down hallways… I’m 24 and going to school to better myself so I can leave. Sure, we live in a free country but not all of us live in a free home.

To which I replied…

That is true.  There is no escaping the various characteristics of individuals.  Still, consider that you can go to school.  In Afghanistan, women are still trying to get that simple right, and facing incalculable risks as a result, in many cases from within their own home, nut also from death squads roaming the countryside hunting down women who dare to pose as humans.

Which resulted in…

Wow, well I guess you make a good point.. I have read about those women, and my heart breaks at the injustice of it. I do have a crappy home life, but it is true that I am not being killed for trying to better my situation — just put through the ringer in the process, is all. Thank you for the perspective. 

Another response from a reader was this one.

Hello “The Happy Guy”I’m responding to your email because I really don’t believe in what you said below – that we here in Canada are all safe.  I think we tend to take that for granted.  I used to think that before 9/11 happened. The people who lost their lives during the 9/11 crisis thought they were safe too.  With our biggest ally at war right now, we never know who
El-Qaida (sorry, I don’t know how to spell it) will hit next and how many people will die.

Yes, I agree that we are way better off than Chinese citizens and many other parts of the world, but are we truly safe?  Think about it.

To which I replied…

There is no such thing as complete safety.  A comet could enter our atmosphere tomorrow and wipe out all life on earth.  The shock over 9/11 is testament to how safe we are, how we can sit back and relax and enjoy life without constant fear.  When something like this does happen, it’s such an aberration that, in addition to the sadness at the loss of life, there is a total shock that it could even happen here.  We really are blessed to be able to live day to day without much fear of being butchered, raped and pillaged, and that we can say pretty much whatever we wish and choose to do pretty much whatever we wish without being brutally assaulted by soldiers or guards for so-doing.

I hope this gives people some additional food for thought, as I believe appreciation is paramount for happiness.
 

Here comes an idea from Stephanie Agresta, the “Internet Geek Girl”.  On April3, she celebrated Good People Day.  Now, I checked this up on several of my calendars, and it does appear that this is just something she made up out of thin air.  Call it a novelty, a new invention, a groundbreaking idea. 

I have long advocated that Thanksgiving Day is the most important day of the year, and this is like a subset – albeit a very important subset – of showing appreciation.  It is a chance to honor and show appreciation for people outside of the customary “obligation” cards or gifts of Christmas or other well-established holidays.

How would you celebrate Good People Day? 

The things you appreciate and are grateful for should be an ongoing list. Do not let anything get by you! These are the things that bring true happiness and mental contentment. Use this list, too: if there are people on it, take time to let them know how you feel – like send a letter of appreciation. If there is an organization on the list, you could send a letter to the editor in your community. Keep adding to the list. At first, your list will seem “simple” but gradually it will increase in detail as you experience gratefulness for ever smaller things. This is practice in being thankful that you can appreciate what the day brings. Every day say, “I am awake and grateful to be alive!” Whatever the day brings, there is always something to be happy about.

This is an excerpt from Barbara Ann Kipfer’s blog http://www.thingstobehappyabout.com/blog/.  She is the author of 14,000 things to be happy about and the website is http://www.thingstobehappyabout.com.

I like this attitude…

People call me an optimist, but I’m really an appreciator….When I
was six years old and had scarlet fever, the first of the miracle
drugs, sulfanilamide, saved my life. I’m grateful for computers and
photocopiers…I appreciate where we’ve come from.

Julian Simon