When you spend a lot of time talking about happiness, one can forget that sadness has value, too. One thing I have always told people is that it is OK to mourn a loss. It is not just “normal”, but it is necessary.
What is not necessary is to remain in a rut of sadness and self-pity. One needs to mourn, then push the sadness aside and get on with making the most of this wonderful world we live in. The object of our mourning needs to be transformed from a sadly-missed part of our present to a wonderfully-remembered part of our past.
There is an interesting article on happiness versus sadness in Newsweek right now. Interestingly, the article makes a case for happiness, but not too much of it over the long run. Here is a quick excerpt:
On a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is extremely happy, 8s were more successful than 9s and 10s, getting more education and earning more. That probably reflects the fact that people who are somewhat discontent, but not so depressed as to be paralyzed, are more motivated to improve both their own lot (thus driving themselves to acquire more education and seek ever-more-challenging jobs) and the lot of their community (causing them to participate more in civic and political life). In contrast, people at the top of the jolliness charts feel no such urgency.
Pity us 40-somethings. We are are at the low dip of a U of happiness, according to the latest research.Â
In our 20s we feel there is a big prize to be gained and we rush out into the world gung-ho, conquistadors chasing the gold.
In our 40s, we realize there is no prize, at least not for us. We won’t be Prime Minister or star quarterback or super model or even just filthy rich. We are at that point where we reflect upon all our failures and why we didn’t make something of our lives.
In our 60s comes reflective wisdom, where we realize that the prize didn’t matter anyway, because that’s just not what life is all about
Read more about the sudy conducted at Warwick University and Dartmouth College here.
Jeanne Malmgren tries to define happiness, but she finds it’s not that easy. The article raises some interesting questions about why certain countries rank higher in happiness than others. But in the end, she answers her own questions: “But you and I both know that happiness isn’t really about where you are.”Â
That’s right. One time I thought I could never be happy if I could not see a tree outside my window, but it was in our tiny Toronto Condo, where all you could see from the window was concrete, glass and bricks, that I wrote my book about happiness. Â
In real estate, it might be location, location, location, but when it comes to happiness, it is all about you, you, you.
By the way, about the title to this blog post…I did not say that homelessness is happiness.Â
Say what you want about Franc e, but it has just become the first Western nation to seriously consider a “happiness index”.
“We must change the way we measure growth,” President Sarkozy says of his plans to engage two Nobel prize winning economists in the effort to build an alternative to gross national product (GNP), which might look a bit like gross national happiness .Â
The things you appreciate and are grateful for should be an ongoing list. Do not let anything get by you! These are the things that bring true happiness and mental contentment. Use this list, too: if there are people on it, take time to let them know how you feel – like send a letter of appreciation. If there is an organization on the list, you could send a letter to the editor in your community. Keep adding to the list. At first, your list will seem “simple” but gradually it will increase in detail as you experience gratefulness for ever smaller things. This is practice in being thankful that you can appreciate what the day brings. Every day say, “I am awake and grateful to be alive!” Whatever the day brings, there is always something to be happy about.
The third annual World Conference on Gross National Happiness has just finished a couple months ago, and I just came across this interesting report on the conference. I like this article, contrasting Western and Eastern values. I can also refer you to a somewhate dated but much more detailed NY Times article on the topic.Â
Here is a map of Gross National Happiness among nations:
My Christmas wish to you is that you enjoy being you. There is no greater gift a person can have than self-acualization, to be comfortable with who you are and fulfilled with what you do. Here is a poem that one of our Daily Dose of Happiness Subscribers sent me on the topic:
Today is right where you need to be
It is where you need to be, to get you to where you are going tomorrow
And tomorrow will be better than any day before
Live life for yourself, be true to yourself, and everything you deserve will fall into place
What makes you “younique”? Sure, you have a unique retina and a unique finger print. And your dental records are all your own. You might even have your own personal file at the CIA, the KGB or Interpol.
But what makes you most unique is your experiences, thousands even millions of moments that nobody else has shared. So many moments that have shaped who you are. So many reactions that have programmed you how to process information and react now to any situation in your own special way. So many lessons you have learned, even without realizing, that inspire you to achieve, to share, to act, to think and to do everything you do.
A couple years ago I reported the figures below, which I found on the Big Brothers / Big Sisters website. A child with a mentor is:
- 80% more likely to finish high school
- 46% less likely to use drugs
- 27% less likely to use alcohol
- 52% less likely to skip school
The website also reported on numerous other happy benefits of mentoring, which really is an exercise in community-building at the micro level. Mentoring is an investment not a cost. It’s an investment in helping the mentored grow, and it is equally an investment in helping the mentor grow.
When we reach a hand out to help someone else, we lift two people with that one arm. Talk about miracles!
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“We must change the way we measure growth,” President Sarkozy says of his plans to engage two Nobel prize winning economists in the effort to build an alternative to gross national product (GNP), which might look a bit like 