Self-Help Happiness Blog

Can happiness come from the state?  Not likely.  The state is there to help us organize our society to some extent, at least to avoid chaos and help us protect ourselves from individuals and groups who might want to harn us.  As such, it acts as a bit of an insurance against total misery.  But now some UK city councils want to develop policies to help us increase happiness.

 I doubt this will lead to much, but it certainly is a step above just promoting economic well-being.  Read about it here.

Over at the Accumulating Peripherals blog, there is a discussion on the pros and cons of happiness research.  Matt offers explains his beef with happiness research and I have commented also on the discussion.

Much of the happiness research out there is based on self reporting.  In other words, it asks you if you feel happy.  OK, so the questions are more complex, but it basically asks for your opinion.  On the one hand, that is poor science, because our perceptions of things are rarely accurate.  A good example is how a couple high-profile crimes can get a city or even a whole country talking about how the crime rate is on the rise and it’s about time we stop the growing menace — even while statistics show that year after year the crime rate has slowly been declining.

On the other hand, happiness is a subjective thing.  It is something we feel, and it could be argued that the only valid measurement of happiness is our perception of it.  Please feel free to go over to Matt’s blog and comment.  And then please come back here and comment, too.

This is not a new theme, the importance of sleep for happiness.  A well rested person thinks more clearly and is much less likely to react sharply at the slightest provocation.  A sleep-deprived person feels more stress and is less effective in everything he does.  There is a superb article with tips for getting a better night’s sleep.

Among the sensible tips:

• Avoid a nightcap - alcohol impairs sleep
• Don’t bring a TV to bed - for goodness sakes, is there no escaping that thing?!
• Go to bed earlier
• Don’t argue just before bed - stress makes for less “productive” sleeping

Good night. 

The May / June edition of No Limits Magazine features a story by somebody I know well…me!  It came as a surprise, but it was arranged by my Australian publisher, where you can pick up a copy of 9 Habits of Happiness if you live in Australia or in New Zealand.

The story, by the way, is one of my favorites from a few years back, when we ran into some unexpected adversity on what should have been a highlight of our honeymoon…and how we turned things around (so it ended up being a highlight of our honeymoon, despite the Wicked Witch Stella!).

The story is just one of many tales I weaved into the book. 

New Brunswick has done it again, once more making happiness news.  Maclean’s reports that Saint-John is home to Canada’s happiest people.  In 2007, New Brunswick scored happiest among Canadian provinces in the Relative Happiness Index.

I am sure this will help boost their moods as they clean up after the unusual spring floods.

I am starting a special blogroll just for blogs specifically about happiness and positivity.  The list below will grow automatically over time, and I invite anyone with a happiness blog or a positive thinking blog to join the blogroll.  There are five steps to do this.  First, make sure your blog qualifies:

1. The topic of the blog must be happiness or positive thinking.*
2. Please add the following code in your sidebar, in a page linked directly from your sidebar or in a post linked directly from your sidebar: <script type=”text/javascript” src=”http://rpc.blogrolling.com/display.php?r=b4ca2060dfa363fd582672a4ba3d3dda” language=”javascript”></script>
3. Email me with the location of the blogroll on your website.  I can be reached by going to http://www.thehappyguy.com/contact-The-Happy-Guy.html
4. Once approved, I will add your site.
5. I suggest you create a post announcing that you have joined this blogroll and post a link to this page for others interested in joining.  All our blogs will get more traffic as a result.

*Please note that this is NOT a blogroll for general psychology blogs, general self-improvement blogs or blogs about overcoming a specific disease or condition.

Here is the current list of happiness and positive thinking blogs

While the Daily Dose of Happiness is on a temporary hold (testing of the new system is going well, so it should not have to wait much longer) I thought I would share this letter with you:

Hello Happy Guy;
 
I have been receiving your daily doses for some time now and every once in a while you get that ONE that just sticks to you like peanut butter.  I am having a tough time at my current job and had a situation yesterday with an Executive Level Employee.  My first instinct to his condescending comment to me was to lash out and get angry; but just as fast as my instinctual reaction, came the recall of this dose….  Needless to say, I did not allow this person to be my master!  I just smiled and killed him with a very polite comment and he was completely thrown off and I walked away with my head held high.
 
It’s definitely a learning process, but without this dose, I would probably still be obsessing over it.
 
Thank you! 

I say Bravo.  Life is about choosing how you want to live, how you want to act, how you want to react.  Don’t let someone else push your buttons.  They are your buttons; you push them!

 

Michele Moore of  The Happiness Habit is an interesting blogger.  What do I mean by “interesting”? 

In modern times, this overused and trampled word is a void-filler.  Two people lost for words at a conference will say, “Whadaya think will happen?”  “Dunno.” “Should be interesting.”  “Yup, should be interesting.” “Yup, interesting all right.”

The ancient Chinese had a curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

But when I say “interesting”, I actually mean “interesting”.  (Sorry to disappoint you.)  Her posts are refreshingly controversial and thought provoking.   Here are just a few examples:

• Positive Psychology can be dangerous.
• Lessons from The Godfather
• Is Happiness for Everyone?

It is this last one that most intrigues me, in Is Happiness for Everyone?, we see a mug shot of a smiling Steve Jobs glaring smugly at the title, as if he knows something we don’t.  The question Michele raises is not so much whether happiness is for everyone as much as whether the pursuit of happiness is for everyone.

“For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.”

People pursuing power or creativity, for example, are not necessarily unhappy.  The pursuit of these goals might be what makes them happy.  But the pursuit of happiness might not.  For others, the pursuit of happiness is everything.  But there is a catch for those pursuing power, creativity and even happiness; one person might be almost completely satisfied with his life chasing whatever he wants to chase, because his happiness is in the chase.  Another person might follow the exact same path, but be totally miserable, because his happiness is in the “if only” that he will never catch.  If only I had power.  If only I could be a little more creative.  If only I could achieve this, I will be happy. 

If only’s never make a person happy.  Enjoying the journey, the pursuit of power, the drive for creativity, the gathering of happiness; these are the motors that drive our happiness.

In a recnt Daily Dose of Happiness I wrote:

SAFETYHaving just read an article in Maclean’s called “Butchers and Monsters”, about how the Chinese government bullies the people in the territory it controls, I am reminded of how lucky I am to live where and when I do. I know most of our readers share that luck, but not all.It’s not just that this is a safe place, but also it is a safe time. Most people throughout history have had to live in the shadows of a bully ruler who could pretty much do whatever he chose with peasants in territory he controlled.  Most people throughout history have had to live in fear that a village or kingdom or principality nearby or farther
away would invade, loot or otherwise destroy their village.Those of us with the good fortune to be living in times of peace in the land of people will never be able to truly understand how it is to live looking over your shoulder.  But let us be grateful that we will never truly understand.

This edition drew a number of interesting comments.  Some were political, such as whether Western media is reporting China with bias and opinions on illegal immigration, which are interesting topics but beside the point.  Others addressed the heart of the topic, essentially questioning the notion that we live in relatively fear-free times/place.  I would like to share a couple of them with you here.

You forget about those who live with sick and mean people. I look over my shoulder 24/7 where I live, for fear of being yelled at, evicted for the flip of a hat reason, chased down hallways… I’m 24 and going to school to better myself so I can leave. Sure, we live in a free country but not all of us live in a free home.

To which I replied…

That is true.  There is no escaping the various characteristics of individuals.  Still, consider that you can go to school.  In Afghanistan, women are still trying to get that simple right, and facing incalculable risks as a result, in many cases from within their own home, nut also from death squads roaming the countryside hunting down women who dare to pose as humans.

Which resulted in…

Wow, well I guess you make a good point.. I have read about those women, and my heart breaks at the injustice of it. I do have a crappy home life, but it is true that I am not being killed for trying to better my situation — just put through the ringer in the process, is all. Thank you for the perspective. 

Another response from a reader was this one.

Hello “The Happy Guy”I’m responding to your email because I really don’t believe in what you said below - that we here in Canada are all safe.  I think we tend to take that for granted.  I used to think that before 9/11 happened. The people who lost their lives during the 9/11 crisis thought they were safe too.  With our biggest ally at war right now, we never know who
El-Qaida (sorry, I don’t know how to spell it) will hit next and how many people will die.

Yes, I agree that we are way better off than Chinese citizens and many other parts of the world, but are we truly safe?  Think about it.

To which I replied…

There is no such thing as complete safety.  A comet could enter our atmosphere tomorrow and wipe out all life on earth.  The shock over 9/11 is testament to how safe we are, how we can sit back and relax and enjoy life without constant fear.  When something like this does happen, it’s such an aberration that, in addition to the sadness at the loss of life, there is a total shock that it could even happen here.  We really are blessed to be able to live day to day without much fear of being butchered, raped and pillaged, and that we can say pretty much whatever we wish and choose to do pretty much whatever we wish without being brutally assaulted by soldiers or guards for so-doing.

I hope this gives people some additional food for thought, as I believe appreciation is paramount for happiness.
 

Here comes an idea from Stephanie Agresta, the “Internet Geek Girl”.  On April3, she celebrated Good People Day.  Now, I checked this up on several of my calendars, and it does appear that this is just something she made up out of thin air.  Call it a novelty, a new invention, a groundbreaking idea. 

I have long advocated that Thanksgiving Day is the most important day of the year, and this is like a subset - albeit a very important subset - of showing appreciation.  It is a chance to honor and show appreciation for people outside of the customary “obligation” cards or gifts of Christmas or other well-established holidays.

How would you celebrate Good People Day?