Get used to it. Times change. The older you get, the harder it is to accept. But the pace of change is accelerating and there is no reason to believe that is going to change. I was reminded of this when I saw this image over at WGRD:
Will we still have paper books in 2022? Will we still hold telephones in our hands? Will movies still be projected onto screens? Will these all be just anachronisms? Who knows.
I read this recently, “There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.” An anonymous quote, but a very powerful one for us parents.
A few reasons why November is the most depressing month of the year:
It is getting colder, not as much fun being outdoors. Bleugh.
The green of the trees has left. The leaves have fallen. All that’s left are bare sticks. Bleugh.
Grass and ground plants are turning brown. Bleugh.
There is no white snow yet to brighten up the landscape. Bleugh.
Days are getting shorter, so there is less light. Bleugh.
Cloud cover makes the shorter days and the browner barren landscape, making it all even bleughier.
We are in the final stages of setting up a solar power generation system on our land (You can read about it at http://www.solarontarioblog.ca) Until we saw the month solar radiation stats, we did not realize just how cloudy November is.
See this graph:
Consider that December 21 is the Winter Solstice – the shortest day of the year. That means that December should have the least hours of sunshine, weather excluded. Because the 21st is closer to January than to November, January should have the second-fewest hours of sunlight, and November should have the third-fewest hours of sunlight.
November is the perfect time to do purposeful things to add some uplift to your days. In our household, that has meant some games of air hockey, trips to the library and board games – family things we can do together that encourage laughter and smiles.
How do you plan to blow away the clouds of November?
What I remember most vividly from our marriage preparation course (yeah, that’s a long time ago by now) is learning that in most parts of the world and most times in history marriages were arranged. You did not marry for love, you loved for marriage.
Recently I read a statement to the effect that in modern society we jump in with a red hot passion, and after the wedding day we slowly let it cool down, whereas in more “traditional” cultures, a marriage starts out cool and the couple spends their life making it grow hotter each day.
What are you doing in your marriage? Are you making it hotter or cooling it off? A marriage doesn’t have to be arranged to grow hotter – it simply has to have a spark and two people feeding the fire.
When choosing a career, when deciding whether to remain in your comfort zone or to break out and try something new, when weighing the pros and cons of taking on a second job or starting a home-based business, remember the words of Gelett Burgess
“There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness.”
Yes, it’s not just about the money. Without happiness, money isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. In fact, after paying for food and basic shelter from the elements, the only reason to have money is for happiness.
Is there some play that you would like to do for work? Is there some work that for you would be play?
My happiness blog will never earn me gobs of money, but I love writing it. I still need a real source of income (my SEO business and my writing business), but it is nice to also have “work that it play”.
I’ll bet you think this is a motivational post where I tell you that each of us is a good luck charm if we just have the right attitude.
Well, it’s not. This is about how I, David Leonhardt, am a good luck charm, and how a recent experiment involving the entire population of Canada scientifically proves it.
The experiment was called the “Federal Election”. Of the five parties in contention, three are in rapture this morning and two have been decimated due to one simple trait that the three winning’ party leaders share and the two losing party leaders do not.
Did they all brush their teeth yesterday morning? No, that’s not it.
Do they all have tattoos on their left ear lobes. That’s not it either.
Are they all three Capricorns. Nope.
I know all three. Personally. Sort of.
Steven Harper.
Congratulations to Steven Harper, he is now a full Prime Minister. The people of Canada have elevated him to majority status…and all because he and I used to work on either side of the same wall. Yes, I could tap messages in Morse Code on the wall to communicate with him. I could…but I didn’t. We did chat in the hallway. We did do lunch sometimes. We did meet later on when he was the Reform Party and I was a CAA lobbyist.
And seeing this, the people of Canada have given him a majority in the House of Commons. (No, he was never a “warm” person, but he was always friendly, intelligent and idealistic.)
Jack Layton
Congratulations to Jack Layton, the new Leader of the Opposition. The previous record for NDP seats was 43; the people of Canada chose to give the NDP a stunning boost to over 100 seats yesterday. Not only that, but the party had never held a seat in Quebec until four years ago; today they command 59 seats of the province’s 75 seats. Wow!
How did Jack Layton accomplish this historic feat? By knowing me, of course. Oh, he might not remember me, but I was the guy he nearly ran down with his bicycle when I made a false start at crossing the street without looking carefully and kept his nose stuck up in the air with that this-is-my-space-you-doofus-who-doesn’t-look-where-he-is-going look. Yeah, not quite the guy you see on TV. You don’t have to be nice to me for the good luck charm to work, you just have to know me.
Elizabeth May
Congratulations to Elizabeth May, the Green Party’s first ever Member of Parliament. How did the Green Party manage this historic breakthrough? You guess it – by knowing me. Back when I was a CAA lobbyist and she was the head of the Sierra Club of Canada, we found ourselves working briefly together to have MMT removed from gasoline in Canada (That’s methylcyclopentadienyl manganese tricarbonyl for all you tongue twister fans). She was not very familiar with the chemical, and I was able to explain her a few things.
If Elizabeth May appears energetic, rough-cut, friendly and authentic on TV, that’s because she is exactly as she appears in real life. (Imagine that – a politician who actually is whom she appears to be!)
Michael Ignatieff
My condolences to Iggy. Michael Ignatieff led his Liberal Party (formerly referred to as Canada’s “natural governing party” by many) to a historic and stunning defeat, just 35 seats – its worst showing ever. Why? Because Iggy didn’t take the time to know me.
Gilles Duceppe
And my condolences to Gilles Duceppe, who’s separatist Bloc Quebecois cleaned up in Quebec for six straight election, but last night was reduced to a four-seat rump. And all because he did not know me. Well, at least nobody will miss them.
As you see, this experiment was carried out with a fairly large sample size, and the results are conclusive: I am a good luck charm. To know me might not be to love me, but to know me is to be a winner.
This was passed on to me by my sister-in-law. So much of it is just so true, great life lessons even for those of us who remember our school days as ancient history.
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair – get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were
So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one..
Not everyone has the courage to be honest, straight-forward, and easy to deal with. In every situation, disagreement, or problem there are always two pictures; the “little” picture, how something is seen by one individual, and the much larger picture, how it is seen by everyone else involved.
Self-centered people cannot see the bigger picture. All they see are their own needs, wants, and desires. Their entire world revolves around them. When forced to fight for one of their desires they rationalize reality, make excuses, and attempt to get their way by nit picking and splitting hairs.
How many times have you been able to reason with an unreasonable person? The instant someone disagrees with them they dig in their heels, close their minds and begin to “yea but” everything said.
One absolute freedom everyone has is the freedom to be wrong. When we like someone we unconsciously enlarge their strengths and minimize their weaknesses. When we dislike someone we minimize their strengths and enlarge their weaknesses. Personal perceptions are modified by emotions, biases, and beliefs. This happens to everyone. It is that old saying, “Nothing is either good or bad … but thinking makes it so.”
For years I thought it was my responsibility, my higher calling, to straighten out the uninformed. We all know where that led. Hundreds of hours were lost trying to raise people’s awareness with logic and reason. Logic only works with logical people.
What I eventually learned to do with nit-picking and hair-splitting people is step away, knowing that their minds were closed and they would have to live with whatever they believed … not me.
Viewed from the much larger picture the nit-picking hair-splitting people are only sawing sawdust. So what? Life is too short to be little.
This is Part One of a two-part discussion. Before you read my comments, you’ll want to be familiar with “Tough Little Boys”, a country song by Gary Allan that has been bouncing around in my head the past couple weeks. This is an extremely touching song that any parent will relate to, especially dads, but even my ten-year-old daughter gets it.
Here is the video, followed by the lyrics, followed by my comments.
Tough Little Boys – Video
Tough Little Boys – Lyrics
Well I never once
Backed down from a punch
Well I’d take it square on the chin
But I found out fast
That bullies just laugh
And we’ve got to stand up to them
So I didn’t cry when I got a black eye
As bad as it hurt, I just grinned
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again.
Scared me to death
When you took your first steps
And I’d fall every time you fell down
Your first day of school, I cried like a fool
And I followed your school bus to town
Well I didn’t cry, when Old Yeller died
At least not in front of my friends
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
Well I’m a grown man
But as strong as I am
Sometimes its hard to believe
How one little girl, with little blonde curls
Could totally terrify me
If you were to ask, my wife would just laugh
She’d say “I know all about men
How tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again”
Well I know one day, I’ll give you away
But I’m gonna stand there and smile
But when I get home, and I’m all alone
Well, I’ll sit in your room for a while
Well I didn’t cry when Old Yeller died
At least not in front of my friends
But when tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
When tough little boys grow up to be dads
They turn into big babies again
Tough Little Boys – Commentary
Today’s post is about the first paragraph, about the importance of standing up to bullies. I don’t think the typical adult is subjected to messages about bullying, and the bullying adults face is more subtle than with kids. Many people face bullying on the job that is harder to recognize as such than “Give me your lunch money or I’ll smash your brains into lizard spit!” More often, there is the underlying risk of losing one’s job or of being passed over for promotion if one doesn’t…
Work lots of extra hours
Fetch coffee for the boss
Sleep with the boss
I would like to think such occurrences are extremely rare, but I suspect they are somewhat more common than I would like.
Adults could learn from the kids’ messages, and sometimes it’s worth risking a job loss or promotion loss rather than a loss of dignity and self-esteem (I know, I know, this is not always an easy call).
I recall just four fights I was in as a kid. Just four because I was a coward. Yes, I would do just about anything to get out of a fight. But there were four times that my inner coward lost the battle.
Once the kid hit me good in the jaw. But I didn’t hit back. Just as in the song – “As bad as it hurt, I just grinned” – and after that first punch, it was over. I guess he didn’t know what to do with someone who doesn’t hit back.
I met the same kid a second time, just off school property after school, just as he challenged me to. He didn’t hit me that time. He said something about respecting me for showing up, and he let it drop.
The third time (I think I have these in chronological order) was a different kid, who also punched me in the jaw and broke his hand. I don’t know if it really broke, but he did go see the school nurse – either way, i like my memory’s version and I have no need to learn whether my jaw really was a fist-breaker or not.
The fourth time, I did run – but I will beg your forgiveness. The other boy did not try to hit me. Son a moved out of the way. He ran after me and tried to kick me. So I moved out of his way. Like this, he chased me around the school yard for about ten minutes before giving up. I actually recall him getting more and more frustrated and angry and I was finding it harder and harder not to laugh.
Kids have to learn to resist bullying, but so do adults. It’s worth watching some kids shows and learning from them. There are a lot of basic life lessons that many adults still need to learn, too.
Walk in the other guy’s shoes. Before you do, sanitize them so you don’t get foot fungus. After you’ve walked a mile in them, give them back, and respect that he might not be willing to walk in yours yet.
Give of yourself. When you die, what you’ve held back will be forgotten, but what you’ve given will be remembered by all those whose lives you’ve touched.
Most people act out of a desire to have their wants and needs met. They do not act out of vengeance or specifically to hurt you. If you are hurt in the process, realize that it’s probably easier for the them to ignore the pain you’re feeling than to deal with their own issues.
When you speak softly and carry a big stick, try not to do so in the house of someone who keeps a loaded pistol near his/her bedside.
When upset, make sure to tell the people you’re talking with afterward whether or not you’re looking to vent your frustration or for them to help you fix your problem. Your friends need guidance for when to listen and when to speak.
Deliver the goods you’ve promised. If you can’t, chocolate always helps to smooth things over.
Keep your sense of awe and wonderment.
Spend time near flowering trees.
Root for the underdog, but don’t necessarily place a bet on them with anything other than Monopoly money.
Hold your friends close, your enemies closer, and your family closest.
Smile, even when you don’t feel like it.
Allow yourself anger, frustration, sadness, despair, envy, bitterness, etc., but schedule a time to end those things so that you can again feel hope.
What isn’t said speaks as loudly as what is said.
Make time to ponder and reflect.
Own a teddy bear to hug when you’re down. People are great for hugs, but teddy bears aren’t ever too tired or too busy for a good squeeze session.
Money is a finite resource. Treat it as such.
Love is not a finite resource. Give some away, and you’ll always get more back, even if it comes from unexpected places.
Forget you’re a grown up sometimes.
Schedule a day every now and again to have no responsibilities.
Allow yourself to cry when crying is necessary. Do decide that you will stop crying after you get it out of your system.
Try not to marry your job. It won’t be there to take care of you when you’re old and start getting dementia.
Deliver bad news with compassion.
Hands are shaped for holding other hands for a reason. Try it sometime.
Be careful whom you trust. Trust is a privilege, not a right.
We are fish in a giant fishbowl. Very few things are secrets if the right people employ the right tactics to know your business. Live life knowing that someone will probably find out.
Jen Bluekissed chooses to see the world in color. She kisses in color too. Her work can also be found on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
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