Self-Help Happiness Blog

Yes, travel opens the mind to new ideas and new ways of seeing things.  And when we experience the wonders of this world, it can’t help but make a person happy.  And some travel opens the mind more than others.  For instance, if you take a tour of seven cities in seven days and stay in hotels, you will find you are passing your time with others from your country and seeing the sights, but not experiencing the people and the way of life.

On the other hand, if you do some work travel or stay in private homes, you are more likely to experience the real flavor of the place.

I took Little Lady for a trip to Hungary, where we saw some of the places her Nagymama grew up.  For a girl of (almost) seven, this was a very educational trip.  We stayed in an apartment and wandered pretty much on our own.  I would classify this as mid-way between a our and a real visit.  Just for fun, here are a few photos.

This is the moment she professes to be the highlight of her trip:

Even though I could tell that it was dancing to the street musicians…

And making new friends…

…even though she could not speak Hungarian with them…

…any of them!

But it was the dancing that she did the most. This was her favorite street musician, whom she patronized several times where Vaci Uta spills into Vorosmarty Ter.

She was a little less freewheeling with the food (can you say “McDonald’s” or “Pizza Hut”?), but we did enjoy palacsinta a few times together.

Watching my parents age, especially my father, is very instructive. OK, that’s the mild term for it. Nobody can watch their parents age without undergoing a whirlwind of emotions.

Just as we see so much of ourselves in our children, even our own hope for the future and carrying on our own legacy, so, too, we see so much of ourselves in our parents and we see them paving a path that bears our name on it, as well.

What I am mostly seeing now is my father unable to climb stairs or lift his foot high enough to get into the bathtub. Yes, simple things. Everyday movements. Things we take for granted without even giving it a second thought.I have never been afraid of dying (although I find it pretty surrealistic trying to imagine a world without me - not being interpreted through my own perspective), but I confess to being afraid of going old. I have always said that I don’t want to slowly waste away - just drop a piano on my head. I don’t even want to see it coming.

Of course, watching my parents lose their mobility stirs certain emotions in me.

But one surprising emotion that has appeared is gratitude. Yes. My father is showing me how blessed I am (and hopefully will remain for another half a century) to be able to walk without even thinking about it. To run. To jump. To chase my kids through the forest. To dig in the garden. To do my morning push-ups. Yes! Whatever you take for granted - that’s what deserves appreciating and cheering for the most.

And he is motivating me like nothing ever has before to keep fit. To not let fatigue or overscheduling keep me from at least carrying on some strength and flexibility exercises. This, too, is a very good thing.

NOTE: A previous article on self-esteem and aging gracefully that I wrote…um…how long ago? Gee, I’m racing toward my aging years a lightening speed!

Michele Moore of  The Happiness Habit is an interesting blogger.  What do I mean by “interesting”? 

In modern times, this overused and trampled word is a void-filler.  Two people lost for words at a conference will say, “Whadaya think will happen?”  “Dunno.” “Should be interesting.”  “Yup, should be interesting.” “Yup, interesting all right.”

The ancient Chinese had a curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

But when I say “interesting”, I actually mean “interesting”.  (Sorry to disappoint you.)  Her posts are refreshingly controversial and thought provoking.   Here are just a few examples:

• Positive Psychology can be dangerous.
• Lessons from The Godfather
• Is Happiness for Everyone?

It is this last one that most intrigues me, in Is Happiness for Everyone?, we see a mug shot of a smiling Steve Jobs glaring smugly at the title, as if he knows something we don’t.  The question Michele raises is not so much whether happiness is for everyone as much as whether the pursuit of happiness is for everyone.

“For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.”

People pursuing power or creativity, for example, are not necessarily unhappy.  The pursuit of these goals might be what makes them happy.  But the pursuit of happiness might not.  For others, the pursuit of happiness is everything.  But there is a catch for those pursuing power, creativity and even happiness; one person might be almost completely satisfied with his life chasing whatever he wants to chase, because his happiness is in the chase.  Another person might follow the exact same path, but be totally miserable, because his happiness is in the “if only” that he will never catch.  If only I had power.  If only I could be a little more creative.  If only I could achieve this, I will be happy. 

If only’s never make a person happy.  Enjoying the journey, the pursuit of power, the drive for creativity, the gathering of happiness; these are the motors that drive our happiness.

In a recnt Daily Dose of Happiness I wrote:

SAFETYHaving just read an article in Maclean’s called “Butchers and Monsters”, about how the Chinese government bullies the people in the territory it controls, I am reminded of how lucky I am to live where and when I do. I know most of our readers share that luck, but not all.It’s not just that this is a safe place, but also it is a safe time. Most people throughout history have had to live in the shadows of a bully ruler who could pretty much do whatever he chose with peasants in territory he controlled.  Most people throughout history have had to live in fear that a village or kingdom or principality nearby or farther
away would invade, loot or otherwise destroy their village.Those of us with the good fortune to be living in times of peace in the land of people will never be able to truly understand how it is to live looking over your shoulder.  But let us be grateful that we will never truly understand.

This edition drew a number of interesting comments.  Some were political, such as whether Western media is reporting China with bias and opinions on illegal immigration, which are interesting topics but beside the point.  Others addressed the heart of the topic, essentially questioning the notion that we live in relatively fear-free times/place.  I would like to share a couple of them with you here.

You forget about those who live with sick and mean people. I look over my shoulder 24/7 where I live, for fear of being yelled at, evicted for the flip of a hat reason, chased down hallways… I’m 24 and going to school to better myself so I can leave. Sure, we live in a free country but not all of us live in a free home.

To which I replied…

That is true.  There is no escaping the various characteristics of individuals.  Still, consider that you can go to school.  In Afghanistan, women are still trying to get that simple right, and facing incalculable risks as a result, in many cases from within their own home, nut also from death squads roaming the countryside hunting down women who dare to pose as humans.

Which resulted in…

Wow, well I guess you make a good point.. I have read about those women, and my heart breaks at the injustice of it. I do have a crappy home life, but it is true that I am not being killed for trying to better my situation — just put through the ringer in the process, is all. Thank you for the perspective. 

Another response from a reader was this one.

Hello “The Happy Guy”I’m responding to your email because I really don’t believe in what you said below - that we here in Canada are all safe.  I think we tend to take that for granted.  I used to think that before 9/11 happened. The people who lost their lives during the 9/11 crisis thought they were safe too.  With our biggest ally at war right now, we never know who
El-Qaida (sorry, I don’t know how to spell it) will hit next and how many people will die.

Yes, I agree that we are way better off than Chinese citizens and many other parts of the world, but are we truly safe?  Think about it.

To which I replied…

There is no such thing as complete safety.  A comet could enter our atmosphere tomorrow and wipe out all life on earth.  The shock over 9/11 is testament to how safe we are, how we can sit back and relax and enjoy life without constant fear.  When something like this does happen, it’s such an aberration that, in addition to the sadness at the loss of life, there is a total shock that it could even happen here.  We really are blessed to be able to live day to day without much fear of being butchered, raped and pillaged, and that we can say pretty much whatever we wish and choose to do pretty much whatever we wish without being brutally assaulted by soldiers or guards for so-doing.

I hope this gives people some additional food for thought, as I believe appreciation is paramount for happiness.
 

When you spend a lot of time talking about happiness, one can forget that sadness has value, too.  One thing I have always told people is that it is OK to mourn a loss. It is not just “normal”, but it is necessary.

What is not necessary is to remain in a rut of sadness and self-pity.  One needs to mourn, then push the sadness aside and get on with making the most of this wonderful world we live in.  The object of our mourning needs to be transformed from a sadly-missed part of our present to a wonderfully-remembered part of our past.

There is an interesting article on happiness versus sadness in Newsweek right now.  Interestingly, the article makes a case for happiness, but not too much of it over the long run.  Here is a quick excerpt:

On a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is extremely happy, 8s were more successful than 9s and 10s, getting more education and earning more. That probably reflects the fact that people who are somewhat discontent, but not so depressed as to be paralyzed, are more motivated to improve both their own lot (thus driving themselves to acquire more education and seek ever-more-challenging jobs) and the lot of their community (causing them to participate more in civic and political life). In contrast, people at the top of the jolliness charts feel no such urgency.

Jeanne Malmgren tries to define happiness, but she finds it’s not that easy.  The article raises some interesting questions about why certain countries rank higher in happiness than others.  But in the end, she answers her own questions: “But you and I both know that happiness isn’t really about where you are.” 

That’s right.  One time I thought I could never be happy if I could not see a tree outside my window, but it was in our tiny Toronto Condo, where all you could see from the window was concrete, glass and bricks, that I wrote my book about happiness.  

In real estate, it might be location, location, location, but when it comes to happiness, it is all about you, you, you.

By the way, about the title to this blog post…I did not say that homelessness is happiness. 

Let me share a little story with you.  I have two daughters.  Little Lady is a little overweight.  Not surprising, as she loves to eat.  As a result, we try to curtail her eating somewhat.  You might describe our message to her as, “Thou shalt measure thyself when eating.”

Little sister was hard to feed as a baby, and although she is no longer underweight, we still put an effort into ensuring she eats enough, especially of fruits and vegetables.  You might describe our message to her as, “Thou shalt eat in abundance.”

These are two different messages directed at two different children for two different reasons.  Often, Little Sister will leave food on her plate, and we try to coax her to eat a little more.  Little Lady, having scraped her own plate clean, wants to eat up what Little Sister leaves behind.  But our message for Little Sister to eat it is not a message for Little Lady to eat it.

Our children receive different messages for a reason, even though neither of them fully understands the reasons or wants to understand the reasons.

This brings me to some feedback I received recently from my Daily Dose of Happiness:

Happy guy  I want to ask you something are you a christian . DO you believe in Jesus. I really like your help but I ‘m learie 

My reply was:

It just so happens that I am a Christian.  Like most people, I was born into my faith, and I am most comfortable with it.  My words, however, are for all God’s children, regardless of how God has chosen to communicate with them.  I hope he is communicating to some of them, however they practice their spirituality, through me.  :-) 

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their faith, that they become blind to all of God’s other messages.  Sometimes they forget that what their faith is about is God, and God is not confined to any faith system.  Sometimes they forget that people of other faiths might also be brothers and sisters with the same parents, but receiving different messages through other faith systems.

Let us all embrace each other and revel in the miracle of life that we have been given, however we receive God’s message.

I read this interesting article on how to save the planet by eating leftovers.

So I wanted to offer a couple more ways that diet can help you save the planet.  First, stop eating meals with sauce.  Think about it.  As soon as you use sauce, you need a plate to hold the mess…er, I mean the sauce.  And you need forks and knives because sauce is, well, let’s just say it - sauce is messy.  If you ate the same meat and rice and veggies in a pita, a in fajita, on crackers or on bread, you could save the energy and water used to wash the dishes. 

Imagine if just once a day, you could eat a meal with no fork, knife or plate.  That means 365 plates less to wash this year.  365 fewer forks to wash.  365 fewer knives to wash. 

There are some added benefits, too.  For instance, lower costs from running the hot water and the dishwasher less frequently.  Less time spent washing dishes (Yay!!!).  Better health because, let’s face it, sauces rarely contain any real nutrition.  At best they are empty calories.  And if you are prone to clumsiness, fewer stains on your nice clothing.

So hold the sauce for the planet, for your wallet, for your health, for your good looks and out of pure laziness.

What do you do with your free time?  Is it productive?  I don’t mean by “productive” whether it makes money or builds something.  Here is a checklist for your downtime activity:

- Does it get your heart rate pumping?
- Does it make you think in new ways?
- Does it improve the world?
- Does it deepen friendships?

If not, maybe it’s time to rethink how you spend your free time.

Yikes!  While momentarily distracted by a bird flying over head, I was shocked by the loud “thud!” that wallopped my windshield.  After nearly a quarter of a second (but seeming much longer), it dawned on me where the huge splatter of green goo came from.  I should note that the bird did not hit my roof with his generosity, nor the hood of my car.  Nor the top, bottom, right side or center of my windshield.  He dropped his gift right square in front of my face.

As the awesome sound of the thud reverberated through my mind, it struck me just how pwerfull that birdy-poop was.  And the obvious question also struck me:

“Just how badly would I have been injured if there had not been a windshield?  What if my head had been poopified?”

Hmm.  I wonder if there is a market for anti-bird umbrellas…