Self-Help Happiness Blog

Sorry if my spelling is off, but today we will spell “life lessons” with a “W”.

Pain is good. We suffer pain because we don’t understand it. And because it hurts.

Pain serves a single purpose; it is a warning. We place our hands on a hot stove and the pain makes us remove our hand before too much damage is done (hopefully). Imagine if we could feel no pain. There are some people who can’t. They often cause damage to themselves, and they have to tip-toe through life to avoid damaging themselves even more.

When a door squeaks, it is calling out for oil. When your elbow hurts, it is calling out for…a doctor?

Perhaps.

Don’t “suffer” your pain. Embrace it. Love it. Listen to it. It is giving you a valuable warning.

JOKE: If your child wants to mow the lawn, you know he is too young to do so.

REALITY: Isn’t the grass always greener on the other side of the fence?  When you can’t do something yet, you long to be able to do it.  As a kid, we long to be able to mow the lawn. As teenagers we can’t wait to leave home, but not long after we seem to gravitate back.  Whatever our neighbor has looks great … until we get one, too, and then we notice another neighbor has something else that looks pretty good.

But we already have all the things we need, and whatever age we are is just the right age for us right now.  It is great to have dreams and to work toward them, but not at the expense of missing what we have now…which quite often are the dreams we once longed for.

JOKE: Someday, all kids who can mow will want to, and all who are too young will be happy to wait.

* image by Michael Marcus

This is my favourite Christmas song, by Alberta country artist Remi Boudreau.

I’ve got enough
I’m completely satisfied
I don’t need stuff
Just this thing that’s true and tried
I don’t need the perfect gift to fit me like a glove
I’ve got enough

Given that we are full-steam into shopping season, this might help us all to keep it real. Watch and listen to the video…

Everybody is different.  We each have our own values.  We each have our own tastes.  We each have our own preferences.

And sometimes it is not enough to “be” an individual and “have” our own preferences.  Sometimes we need to express our individuality.

The most common way people express their individuality is through fashion (and much less socially disruptive than graffiti or vandalism or public disturbances).  While following the whims of fashion is probably the way people show the most lack of individuality – everybody’s tastes changing in unison – rejecting a fashion norm or breaking out one’s own fashion trend is one of the best ways to say, “Hey, I’m me.”

My elder daughter brought this home to me a few months back when I noticed that she was no longer capable of finding two socks in her drawer that matched.  It seems that if a matching pair was found, she would hunt it to extinction.  Wearing two non-matching pairs became her small way of saying, , “Hey, I’m me” without being too disruptive to those people around her.

She kindly agreed to model some of her choices over a two-week period for this post…

This post was featured in the Carnival of Creativity.

To acquire happiness you don’t have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired. Does anybody know why? Because we have it already. How can you acquire what you already have? Then why don’t you experience it? Because you’ve got to drop something. You’ve got to drop illusions. You don’t have to add anything in order to be happy; you’ve got to drop something. Life is easy, life is delightful. It’s only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings. Do you know where these things come from? From having identified with all kinds of labels! ~ Anthony De Mello

Happiness is an incidental happening when we are in harmony with life itself. It is something we become aware of whilst pursuing other things instead of pursuing happiness itself. Happiness will not stand still long enough for you to reach its destination. It will always be an elusive pursuit if you are looking to acquire its presence, it will always be the goal or project you cannot complete, it will always be hidden from you in plain sight, and it will always be lying on the grass on the other side of the fence if you believe the grass you lay on is not as bright, vivid, brilliant or intense.

Happiness is the thing you can never enjoy or appreciate if you think you have found it, because happiness is not anything you can find, it is a thing that finds you whilst you are looking for something else. May your happiness find you living in peace and harmony, dancing in the rain and sailing within the stormy seas of life itself.

“If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven’t danced in the rain”

Being happy is not about whether we are alone or not. Truly happy people find their happiness within themselves, not in others. They may still prefer not to be alone, but do not measure their happiness by whether they are, or are not alone. Take some time out to get to know who you really are, whether that’s done through meditation, contemplation or facing your fears. If we want to BE ourselves we must know who we truly are.

I think life is wonderful because I decided to see it that way. I made the choice to see the world that way. We know life is nothing more, or less, than what we perceive it to be. What if we made a decision to see the good before the bad, the positive before the negative, the good seed in every bad situation, and the chance to grow with every obstacle we face?.. I believe anything can be achieved with enough practice.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. - Groucho Marx

I write about a lot of things from personal development to natural health remedies. At the moment I’m writing reviews on baby products such as the Razor Rip Rider 360. If you are looking quality reviews, why not pop on over to the Razor Rip Rider website for the perfect gift for your little one.

How to Get Through Life’s Holes and not Get Stuck in Them!

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life is about resiliency. One of the most consistent characteristics of people who report high levels of life satisfaction and happiness is resilience: having the ability to bounce back from life’s setbacks, grow from challenges and transform stress into success.

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life is a self-help book that will be released in mid October. This whimsical yet informative self-help book uses Swiss Cheese as a metaphor for life itself. Life is not predictable and smooth like cream cheese. Our lives are really more like Swiss with all its distinctive holes, and without the holes, there would be no Swiss! Our lives, likewise, have inevitable “holes,” and “imperfections,” yet these holes give us our unique character and depth.

It’s a fact that the larger the holes of the Swiss, the sweeter and more distinctive the cheese. What an analogy to our lives! We develop resiliency by overcoming challenges and obstacles. By moving through life’s holes rather than getting stuck in them, we become stronger.

Besides, the holes of the cheese are called eyes, so it is the holes in our lives that allow us to “see more clearly” and develop insight. Swiss Cheese with no holes is called blind Swiss – and you wouldn’t want to live with your eyes closed like this cheese in denial!

There are ten takeaways from “The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life” that can empower you and help you build resiliency skills:

1. Fondue Can Never Turn Back into a Block of Cheese. Give up the habit of looking back with regret – there are no do-overs and by focusing too much about the past and what can’t be changed will keep you stuck in a hole!
2. There is No Such Thing as a Perfect Slice of Cheese. Give up the need for perfection. Besides, the road to success is paved with mistakes and failures.
3. No “Whine” with the Cheese, Please! Pity Parties are over-rated. Strive to look at things more rationally and positively. The Swiss Cheese Motto is: Think Straight and Feel Great!
4. If the Cheese is Ripe, Dig In! Be Proactive, not Reactive! The more you feel in control of your actions and reactions, and do not “wait” for things to happen, the more empowered and effective you will be.
5. Live ‘Whole’ Despite the Holes.  Focus on developing mindfulness and spirituality with the intent of being present-focused.
6. Enjoy the Wine and Cheese Party! People who connect with others, give and receive social support, are happier than people who are isolated. As the old Bell Telephone commercials said: Reach out and touch someone!
7. Be like Cheese-Lite! Develop health and wellness through exercise, healthy eating, and good lifestyle habits. Welcome wellness for a healthier YOU!
8. Slice the Cheese Wheel of Life. Get organized, prioritize and delegate so that you can achieve a healthy lifestyle balance. Don’t let time divide you – learn to divide your time and energy in a way that makes you feel balanced.
9. Master the Cheese Wheel of Change.  Embrace change, be flexible, and strive to be a Stress Manager and not a Stress Carrier!
10. Smile and Say “Cheese”!

Focus on developing a positive outlook and healthy optimism, while you work on healing resentments, focusing on forgiveness, and striving to replace negativity with gratitude.
These ten areas of resiliency are important in every aspect of our lives, and embracing these delectable takeaways from The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life will give you the pungency and flavor of a complete and meaningful life!

Psychotherapists and wellness speakers Judy Belmont and co-author Lora Shor offer videos and self-tests, and book information on their website, http://www.theswisscheesetheoryoflife.com, where you can download the first two chapters of their upcoming book. Judy can be reached at JABelmont@theswisscheesetheoryoflife.com

What legacy do you want to leave behind? I know, the cat needs feeding (we have two kittens), the house is a mess (still? again? it gets hard to keep track) and there’s a show you want to watch. Daily life is so full that we don’t often step back to see if we are even heading in the direction we want to go in.

Take a moment today to think about how you want to be remembered. Then think about your day’s agenda. Have you scheduled time to do things that will help you achieve that legacy?

Nobody will remember you for having fed the cat. Nobody will remember you for your clean house. Nobody will remember you for what you watched.

They will remember you for the love you spread and the good deeds you did. What will you do to be remembered?

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

This quote by, well, pretty much everybody by now, sums up why we humans are social creatures.

We get food and water and shelter. These things are all necessary; every life form needs them, even dung beetles.

We give love.
We give attention.
We give our help.
We give a smile.
We give hope.
We give trust.
We give…

Yes, that is what makes a life. Don’t just be a dung beetle.

I recently told my wife she should be happy I married her — I’m the perfect “10″.  This seemed to surprise her just a bit.  I explained that I am perfect 10% of the time.

Let’s face it, we all put pressure on ourselves sometimes to be perfect.  We all want to do things “just right”.  There is a certain pride in accomplishment that just can’t be denied.

We can be our own harshest critics.  But nobody can be or should be perfect all the time.  If you can be perfect 10% of the time, you are doing great!  And the next time your spouse, a parent, your child or a friend criticizes you, just tell them they should be happy to have you – you are perfect 10% of the time.