If you don’t want anyone to get your goat, don’t let them know where you have it tied.
One of the very early lessons we determined to teach our daughters was how to be teased. Yes, I know that might not rank high on the typical;list of priorities, but we knew that is they see their parents teasing each other in a positive way and laughing at ourselves, and if we tease them and let them tease us, they would enter school tease-proof. Let’s face it, the worse a child reacts to teasing, the more she will be picked on.
I wrote about this in The Daily Dose of Happiness eight years ago, and based on how freely they will tease us, we haven’t totally failed. They keep chasing our goats.
Teasing does not go away as an adult; it just gets subtler. It is never to late to hide your goat. (For those who have read Climb your Stairway to Heaven, you may be thinking of hiding your goat with a sheep down a well, but that’s another story.)
The next time you are teased, try laughing with the teaser. It can be a very liberating experience.
I (guest blogger Delcan) was just thinking earlier (it happens sometimes) about lying on my death bed and looking back over my life. I began to ask myself some tough questions, and if I’m being honest (which I am) I wasn’t comfortable with the conclusions I came up with in the end. I realized that I may not be the happiest death bed person that ever lived and it wasn’t because I was on my way out, but because I may have more regrets than I care to think about whilst I have the chance to change them.
I asked myself a couple of questions…
1. Would I be more afraid to die if I had more regrets?
The answer I came up with was this…
Like many people, I tend to put things off and procrastinate on important things in my life. I think we do this because we believe there is enough time to accomplish these things in the future. The biggest problem with this for me, is that I am on my imaginary death bed and I have no time left to accomplish my goals, dreams or fantasies. There is no tomorrow and there is no second chances. I’m regretful when I look back over my life, I am remorseful and feel self pity, maybe even anger. How can I leave now, I have so much more to do, I have so much more to give.
My conclusion…
I believe I would be more afraid to die or let go if I had unfinished business or if I felt regretful that I didn’t accomplish more while I had the chance.
2. Is it possible to die without any regrets?
The answer I came up with was this…
The only time I have heard of a person passing on without any regrets was in the movies or in a story about some super person who achieved everything they wanted to achieve in their lifetime. I suppose the answer is yes, if the stories are true. It is obviously going to be different for each individual but it most definitely, maybe, probably is true for some.
My conclusion…
If you want to be lying on your death bed one day with a smile on your face, telling a pink elephant and a leprechaun how you have no regrets, then I guess you better start your life from this moment on with a goal in mind to make sure you have no regrets when it’s time for you to kick on.
3. If I am to live a life without regrets, what do I need to focus on?
The answer I came up with was this…
When I started to think about what could be done to help us live a life without regrets, I came up with the following …
Stop wasting your time on non important stuff.
How often do we repeat the same course of events day in and day out for a large portion of our lives. We are creatures of comfort and we waste too much time on mundane activities that do not stimulate our imagination and creativity. This will be the biggest regret for the majority of people when they are faced with the tragic fact that they wasted so much time doing f**k all to enhance their lives and the lives of others.
Don’t regret missed opportunities.
Next time you’re faced with a situation that is calling out for you to take action, don’t fob it off because you are afraid to take it on. Life is too damn short to be second guessing your capabilities or being too afraid to face failure. Embrace every obstacle in your life as an opportunity to grow and expand your arsenal of strengths as you will undoubtedly always learn a valuable lesson.
Realize that materialism can give you the illusion of happiness.
Yes, you read that right. Attachment to material things is never going to make you happy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy nice things, but realize that the feeling you have when you’re out shopping for a new coat, TV or even car, is not happiness, it’s not even close to happiness. When you spend more time trying to accumulate wealth than you do trying to drop the baggage that is not, and never will be, the person you need to be, then you are getting your fix of happiness from the outside instead of the inside. I’ve only been on one death bed before (imaginary of course) but I can guarantee that there’s not one person alive who would not give up all their wealth for more time, when they realize they need it most.
Know Thyself.
We have all heard this phrase before but I bet there’s plenty of people who haven’t a clue what it means. The truth is, most people have no idea, they think because they exist, or they know their name, religion, likes and dislikes, that they know themselves. If you want to get a better understanding of who you really are, then I suggest you spend some time in a room, on your own, in silence for at least 30 minutes every single day for a sustained period of time. If you do this then you will get to know your thoughts and feelings on an intimate level without the influence of anything or anyone else. Get to know your mind and how it works. We spend most of our time thinking on automatic pilot, how can we get to know ourselves if we don’t take the time to observe ourselves.
Truly be grateful for what you have now, and every day you exist.
If you want to appreciate your life, then you must appreciate the abundance you take for granted when you compare it with others less fortunate. Do this every day and you will begin to appreciate your life on a whole new level.
Okay, that’s as far as I got and no doubt I could have added a lot more but the point I would like to end with is this…
We talk all the time about life being short, we also spend a lot of time repeating the same things day after day. We set goals and decide to change our ways year after year. We go on diets, or give up smoking etc. The point is that we say life is short, but it is far shorter than we say, if we keep wasting so much time on s**t that doesn’t serve us now or later. I believe that if we are going to have regrets later on in life, it is because we do not fully appreciate just how important our lives really are.
Does life only become more important when we are faced with the loss of something we value. It is always too late when the time has passed. I’m not being funny here, it is so important to always remember…It is always too late when the time has passed. IF ONLY…are two words you can avoid if you live a life without regrets.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you have anything to add then feel free to leave a comment, don’t move onto another site and regret it later.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Delcan writes about a lot of things from personal development to natural health remedies. At the moment he is writing reviews on baby products such as The First Years Wave Stroller. If you are looking quality reviews, why not pop on over to the First Years Wave Stroller for more information..
I have been a Personal Development enthusiast for over 15 years now and within that time I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. I would like to share with you 5 Tips that have kept my mind in great shape over the years. I hope you find them as useful as I have and I sincerely hope you see the value in each of the 5 messages as I am confident they can be life changing.
Ability to Trust Your Potential
We are all unique in our own way, we each view and experience the world through our own lens. Ultimately what this means is that nobody can use your abilities the way you can. This is why it is so important to believe in yourself completely. We can read all the books, gain all the knowledge, mirror others achievements and look to others for guidance, but in the end, there is no other person on this planet who knows how to use your abilities quite like you can. We can no doubt learn from others but it is only when we are truly being ourselves that we become powerful. Trust in your abilities and trust that you are the only person alive who can use those abilities to their fullest potential.
Successful Thoughts
Education is paramount to success (whatever success means to you) but education is not preparation for life itself…life itself is education, and every single day you are being tested by the thoughts you choose to entertain or repeat. The educated mind is the one that can entertain a thought without accepting it. The only thoughts that play a leading role in your life are the ones you choose to accept as true. Negative thoughts, doubtful thoughts and any thoughts that limit your growth have no place in your mind, so it’s your job as the governor of your mind to banish these useless thoughts from the community you rule inside your head. Your thoughts only have the power you give to them.
Happiness
Happiness is an incidental happening when you are in harmony with life itself. It is something you become aware of whilst pursuing other things instead of pursuing happiness itself. Happiness will not stand still long enough for you to reach its destination. It will always be an elusive pursuit if you are looking to acquire its presence, it will always be the goal or project you cannot complete, it will always be hidden from you in plain sight, and it will always be lying on the grass on the other side of the fence if you believe the grass you lay on is not as bright, vivid, brilliant or intense. Happiness is the thing you can never enjoy or appreciate if you think you have found it, because happiness is not anything you can find, it is a thing that finds you. May your happiness find you well, and may your happiness find you living in peace and harmony, dancing in the rain and sailing within the stormy seas of life itself.
What’s important to you?
Okay…you’re lying on your death-bed, you have a couple of minutes left to live. How many of the things in your life that made you worry, made you stressed, made you angry, made your life unpleasant…really bloody matter? I would imagine that very little of most of the stuff we place significance on in our lives in this present moment will matter too much at all. There are only a few things in your life that are truly important, Stop fussing over non trivial matters and start focusing on what’s really important to you.
An Optimists view
How often do we react in a negative way to life’s obstacles even though they are an integral part of life. It’s not as if we expect everything to go smoothly for us all the time. Besides, a life without problems would not be as fruitful. We can appreciate the good times only through contrast with the bad. Take a step back and see that whenever a bad situation arises there is always an equally good seed hidden within. You can always learn something valuable from life’s problems if you detach yourself from the negative and focus on the lesson you can take away. Realize that life is exactly what it is meant to be. There’s no good or bad, there’s just lessons to be learned. Obstacles encountered on your journey through life are opportunities for you to grow.
Well, there we have it, 5 lessons that can transform your perception and help create a mindset capable of achieving what you know you undoubtedly deserve. Remember, thoughts that do not help you grow as an individual are thoughts that have no place in your mind, and you have the power to either entertain these thoughts or dismiss them immediately…it’s your choice…choose wisely.
Authors Bio: Declan O Flaherty has been writing to help inspire change in others for many years now and has recently branched out to writing reviews for baby products such as The First Years Wave Stroller and The First Years jet Stroller.
First off I should say that my mother was never diagnosed as bipolar but looking back as an adult, lots of research, some basic education in psychology and after speaking to trained professionals I believe it’s a very accurate diagnosis. Your parents and family are meant to be there for you no matter what, they should support you and encourage you and you should always feel safe and protected by them but if you’re growing up with a family member who has any psychological or mental illness this is very rarely the case. You feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells, you know they’ll be good days but at the same time you know they’ll be bad days too.
You can’t live your life around them
It’s not fair to live your whole life like you’re walking on egg shells but this is sometimes unavoidable. You know it can only take the smallest thing to trigger a storm but at the same time your home life needs to be somewhere you can relax. One thing I found helped was to have a kettle with some powder milk, tea, coffee and sugar in my room and a small box of snacks. Hiding away in your room shouldn’t have to be the answer but if this happens more often than not you need to make sure it’s as comfortable as possible. It’s their house too but there is a very large degree of irrationality to mental illnesses in that they’ll take it out any mood swings on the first thing they’ll see. If you’re not under their nose your life will be easier.
You need a release
No matter if it’s just a half an hour walk round your neighbourhood or you join a local club or activity group find something away from home and away from school that can take your mind off things even if it’s just for an hour or two a week. If you like listening to music really study it and learn to produce it yourself or dance to it. I was never fanatically into music but there were some songs that really had prominent lyrics to me that helped. Reading is also another good way to lose yourself for a few hours.
Look forwards not backwards
This is one I’ve learned with hindsight. Nothing is forever; you’ll grow up, move out and live your own life one day. For now it sucks and there’s a good chance tomorrow is going to suck too but next year or the year after it will get better. Find one thing you’re looking forward to that’s not too far away, going out with your friends, a holiday or even a shopping trip anything that you can concentrate on to take your mind off today. If you have nothing coming up over the next few weeks arrange something.
You can’t blame them for your life
This is one you need to learn as soon as possible and it took me a long time to learn and I’m still learning it today. You can storm around as a teenager and get away with it because ‘my mother never loved me’ but as an adult it’s quite pathetic. You are your own person, with your own personality and ultimately responsible for your own decisions and your own destiny. You might look at your friends who come from loving ‘conventional’ families but the chances are the majority of them have something they dislike about the way their parents raised them. If you want to get an education you can get an education, of course that’s easier said than done but it’s not impossible. My mother’s favourite quote was that I’d never amount to anything. I worked hard at several jobs and put myself through university. It wasn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep for about three years but only a very weak forty year old says it’s their parent’s fault they never made anything of their life.
You can’t hold a grudge
This is another one I’m still leaning today. I don’t think I can ever forgive my mother for some of the things she told me growing up and I’ll have physical and mental scars from her for the rest of my life but as I’ve already mentioned only a very weak adult uses the past as an excuse for the present. There are some things that will be unforgivable but the majority of things need to be left in the past. Now I no longer live at home I have an OK relationship with my mother, it makes me sad that we couldn’t have this mother/daughter relationship when I needed it as a child but I’ll take what I can get now and leave the past in the past.
Jessica grew up to be a happy, well adjusted adult who lived happily ever after (so far) who works as an SEO for a home furniture company
A recent series I watched on TV followed a young British engineer as he traveled around the country on a longboat, celebrating Britain’s industrial heritage. One episode featured the humble tin of baked beans, and in this article I want to cover what this teaches us about goal achievement…
Guy Martin is an engineer and well known bike racer. Well known in bike racing circles that is, I confess I had never heard of him before watching his TV series.
In ‘The Boat That Guy Built’ on the BBC, he wanted to remind people of a 150 year period when British inventions and engineering helped to change the world, to drive the industrial revolution.
He traveled around on his barge, fitting it out using traditional techniques, and I was drawn in by the whole series. One episode featured him making baked beans on toast, so he went right back to the basics and history of the can, making it by hand. This is where the goal achievement lesson comes in…
The patent for the tin can was given in the early 1800s in Britain, and it wasn’t long before it had been sold on and developed, as a way of storing provisions for the army and navy. This was state of the art stuff at the time, rather like NASA inventing ideas for the space program.
Within a few years though, maybe a decade or so, the baked bean had moved from being a novelty food for the posh to a common ingredient, and the tin can had gone from being experimental to being part of everyday life.
It was taken for granted.
150 Years Later
This is all over 150 years ago now, but the lesson we can take today is still fresh…
While it’s possible that your goal may be groundbreaking, it’s more likely that it has been achieved before. Someone, somewhere, will take it for granted. Someone, somewhere, will have gone through the trial and error process and got to the end result.
Yes, it will be new for *you*, there will be learning and set backs, but you can make the journey far easier if you seek out the knowledge of others who have gone before.
You will also have an easier ride of it mentally if you imagine yourself in the position of those who take your goal for granted.
Developing an assurance that your goal will happen, helps to motivate you when you come to step that are wary or nervous about – you’ll be much more confident to take it when you know others have been there before.
So to sum up, the humble tin of baked beans can teach us about trial and error, and it can teach us about repositioning goals in our mind as taken for granted rather than experimental.
I loved Guy Martin’s show, and the next time you are struggling with a goal, open a cupboard and stare at a baked bean tin for some inspiration!
If you want to influence people, give them the right environment. Of this there is no question. Most recently, a study confirmed what we all knew about how they cleaned up New York City. This line from The Globe and Mail a few days ago:
Urban decay is contagious because people generally behave badly when others in their neighbourhood do, say Dutch researchers whose article was published yesterday in the online journal Science.
This principle applies in the home and in the workplace, too. If you leave things all over the house or allow employees to get sloppy in their work habits, expect more and more of the same.
On the other hand, if you want people to take pride in their work or keep the house tidy, apply yourself to the task. Pick up stuff around the house when others are not around. And when they are, solicit their help in tidying up. The tidier you keep it, the tidier they will, too. And, the more attention they will focus on cleanliness and following rules and generally responsible behavior.
By the way, this is the same psychology I have repeatedly mentioned with regard to smiling. The best way to brighten up your environment is to smile. Your smile will be contagious. And before you know it, you will notice that all those grumpy people you kept bumping into have given way to smiling, happy people.
Are you frustrated because someone in your family keep forgetting
things or you information just does not sink in? Well, the more ways
you deliver the information, the more likely he or she will remember.
Tell him.
Write it down.
Send a follow-up email (Yes, intra-home emails!).
Leave a voicemail for her.
Show the situation so that she can act on what she sees, not just on
what you tell her you see.
Ask what he thinks should be done. He will remember the conclusion he
draws better than any solution you come up with.
If there is anything visual, such as a map, draw it.
So, “Honey, don’t forget to pick up milk”, “uh-ha”
becomes….
1. Honey, don’t forget to pick up milk.
2. Here’s a reminder note (a drawing of a carton of milk)
3. Come to the fridge. See, there’s just a couple drops left, what
do you think we should do?
No need to be frustrated when you can make sure that the forgetful
one remembers.
I love this story in the New York Times. It tells of Joel Moss Levinson, a college dropout who can boast of dozens of failed jobs. So far, he has won 11 contests by creating homemade corporate commercials, user-generated video content that promotes their brands or their products virally on places like YouTube and MetaCafe. And so far, he has earned $200,000 in cash and prizes.
Let’s keep in mind that each one of those contests is a whole new ball game. You don’t get credit for previous efforts in other contests. You don’t get seniority or stability. You have to earn each one with the quality of your work. Imagine if each month you had to apply for your job, along with thousands of other people. I wonder how many people would retain their jobs.
What I am trying to demonstrate, is that this is a truly monumental accomplishment for a vagabond dropout.
I am a big believer in education, but I am also a big believer in taking life by the horns and creating your own destiny. And formal education is not always the same thing as education. So I salute Mr. Levinson, and perhaps it will be an inspiration to a few other people to jump in and find their calling…especially if they are either job hopping or stuck in a rut where they really don’t get satisfaction.
I received an email from Jonathan Cunningham of Let’s Reflect, a social networking website for self help and personal growth. I was intrigued by this, so I asked for more explanation. I can’t tell it any better than he does, so here it is in his own words…
To try and sum everything up in as few words as possible….all members have their own blog and thread(forum) connected to their Profile page. The thread provides an area to communicate with your friends and guest. The blog is great for keeping the community updated on your progress…or whatever you want to talk about on your soap box.
(Both the blog and thread are located on the orange toolbar of your Profile page)
There is also a community forum for the website where members go to introduce themselves, talk about current events, or there is a “general” section where they can talk about anything.
My intent with the threads, blogs, and Profile page’s is to make great content sustainable.
Another cool thing is if you come across a great “Reflections” page, you can give it a “Thumbs UP” or “Favorite” it. This allows Users to gain status. When you favorite someone, their avatar is added to a frame on your Profile page titled “Favorite Reflectors”. Basically this section provides quick access to all your friends and other inspirational Reflectors that you want to follow.
(These are located on the orange toolbar of you profile page as well)
There is also a great search function built into the website. You have the option to search by…
1. Location
2. User Name
3. or Keywords
I really like the key words search. You can pin key words to your Profile page so that like minded Reflectors can find you. For instance, these are some of mine…parenting, leadership, success, marriage, sports, coaching…etc
Another cool thing is that you can completely customize/personalize your Profile page. You pick a cool avatar, set a great background image, and select whatever font color you want. It gives us a peak into your personality.
If you decide to join and participate, I would be interested in hearing about your experienced. Feel free to bookmark this post and return in 3 – 6 – 9 or however many months you wish to report on if/how Let’s reflect has helped you.
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One of the very early lessons we determined to teach our daughters was how to be teased. Yes, I know that might not rank high on the typical;list of priorities, but we knew that is they see their parents teasing each other in a positive way and laughing at ourselves, and if we tease them and let them tease us, they would enter school tease-proof. Let’s face it, the worse a child reacts to teasing, the more she will be picked on. 
with a smile on your face, telling a pink elephant and a leprechaun how you have no regrets, then I guess you better start your life from this moment on with a goal in mind to make sure you have no regrets when it’s time for you to kick on.
