Self-Help Happiness Blog

I’ll let the video speak for itself…

If you want to influence people, give them the right environment.  Of this there is no question.  Most recently, a study confirmed what we all knew about how they cleaned up New York City.  This line from The Globe and Mail a few days ago:

Urban decay is contagious because people generally behave badly when others in their neighbourhood do, say Dutch researchers whose article was published yesterday in the online journal Science.

This principle applies in the home and in the workplace, too.  If you leave things all over the house or allow employees to get sloppy in their work habits, expect more and more of the same.

On the other hand, if you want people to take pride in their work or keep the house tidy, apply yourself to the task.  Pick up stuff around the house when others are not around.  And when they are, solicit their help in tidying up.  The tidier you keep it, the tidier they will, too.  And, the more attention they will focus on cleanliness and following rules and generally responsible behavior.

By the way, this is the same psychology I have repeatedly mentioned with regard to smiling.  The best way to brighten up your environment is to smile.  Your smile will be contagious.  And before you know it, you will notice that all those grumpy people you kept bumping into have given way to smiling, happy people.
 

MEMORY

Are you frustrated because someone in your family keep forgetting
things or you information just does not sink in? Well, the more ways
you deliver the information, the more likely he or she will remember.

Tell him.

Write it down.

Send a follow-up email (Yes, intra-home emails!).

Leave a voicemail for her.

Show the situation so that she can act on what she sees, not just on
what you tell her you see.

Ask what he thinks should be done. He will remember the conclusion he
draws better than any solution you come up with.

If there is anything visual, such as a map, draw it.

So, “Honey, don’t forget to pick up milk”, “uh-ha”
becomes….

1. Honey, don’t forget to pick up milk.

2. Here’s a reminder note (a drawing of a carton of milk)

3. Come to the fridge. See, there’s just a couple drops left, what
do you think we should do?

No need to be frustrated when you can make sure that the forgetful
one remembers.

I love this story in the New York Times.  It tells of   Joel Moss Levinson, a college dropout who can boast of dozens of failed jobs.  So far, he has won 11 contests by creating  homemade corporate commercials, user-generated video content that promotes their brands or their products virally on places like YouTube and MetaCafe.  And so far, he has earned $200,000 in cash and prizes.

Let’s keep in mind that each one of those contests is a whole new ball game.  You don’t get credit for previous efforts in other contests.  You don’t get seniority or stability.  You have to earn each one with the quality of your work.  Imagine if each month you had to apply for your job, along with thousands of other people.  I wonder how many people would retain their jobs. 

 What I am trying to demonstrate, is that this is a truly monumental accomplishment for a vagabond dropout. 

I am a big believer in education, but I am also a big believer in taking life by the horns and creating your own destiny.  And formal education is not always the same thing as education.  So I salute Mr. Levinson, and perhaps it will be an inspiration to a few other people to jump in and find their calling…especially if they are either job hopping or stuck in a rut where they really don’t get satisfaction.

I received an email from Jonathan Cunningham of Let’s Reflect, a social networking website for self help and personal growth.  I was intrigued by this, so I asked for more explanation.  I can’t tell it any better than he does, so here it is in his own words…

To try and sum everything up in as few words as possible….all members have their own blog and thread(forum) connected to their Profile page. The thread provides an area to communicate with your friends and guest. The blog is great for keeping the community updated on your progress…or whatever you want to talk about on your soap box.

(Both the blog and thread are located on the orange toolbar of your Profile page)

There is also a community forum for the website where members go to introduce themselves, talk about current events, or there is a “general” section where they can talk about anything.

My intent with the threads, blogs, and Profile page’s is to make great content sustainable.

Another cool thing is if you come across a great “Reflections” page, you can give it a “Thumbs UP” or “Favorite” it. This allows Users to gain status. When you favorite someone, their avatar is added to a frame on your Profile page titled “Favorite Reflectors”. Basically this section provides quick access to all your friends and other inspirational Reflectors that you want to follow.

(These are located on the orange toolbar of you profile page as well)

There is also a great search function built into the website. You have the option to search by…

1. Location

2. User Name

3. or Keywords

I really like the key words search. You can pin key words to your Profile page so that like minded Reflectors can find you. For instance, these are some of mine…parenting, leadership, success, marriage, sports, coaching…etc

Another cool thing is that you can completely customize/personalize your Profile page. You pick a cool avatar, set a great background image, and select whatever font color you want. It gives us a peak into your personality.

If you decide to join and participate, I would be interested in hearing about your experienced.  Feel free to bookmark this post and return in 3 - 6 - 9 or however many months you wish to report on if/how Let’s reflect has helped you.

There are some people who pooh pooh self-help books, and perhaps it is true that for them reading is not the ideal way to make improvements.  Perhaps some of them don’t think they need to improve, so I won’t argue with “perfect” people (Who could win an arguement with a perfect person, anyway?)

I came across this interview with writer-director Judd Apatow, commenting on his first time as a producer and how he learned to manage teams:

The first job I had was creating The Ben Stiller Show.  I was 24 and had no idea what I was doing, so I read all these Stephen Covey books like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  They are actually really good!  I haven’t read them since, but I have to say, all the answers were in there.” 

What do you think of those slick posters and coffee mugs with motivational messages on them? Good tools? Too commercial?

What about spirit bottles, filled with nothing but air and a small paper with a simple sentiment, such as “love deeply” or “hang in there”? They are less slick, more down-to-earth and less inspiring perhaps. There is a debate on this over at this self confidence blog.

I have a better suggestion. The best motivational message is the one you write to yourself. I am not saying you can’t buy motivation - every sports team, every movie set, every major company knows you can. But outsourcing your motivational messages is not as effective as writing yourself a personal note and placing it where it is most relevant. Depending on the note, that might be in your car, beside your bathroom mirror or even in your toolshed.

No need to spend $20 on a slick motivational message laser targeted to just you and 100,000 people who are obviously exact replicas of you. Write your own messages and place them where they count.

Over on my other blog, we are having a discussion of reputation and integrity.  Be the reputation you want to have.  It is a matter of integrity. 

But integrity is not just about reputation.  It is about being at one with yourself.  Wheneyour values and your actions are out of sync with each other, there is no way you can be happy.  Of course, we all have some misalignments when we do things that are not in sync with our values, but if you stay pretty close and generally can say tat you believe in the things you are doing, your path to happiness is much, much smoother. 

I am starting a special blogroll just for blogs specifically about happiness and positivity.  The list below will grow automatically over time, and I invite anyone with a happiness blog or a positive thinking blog to join the blogroll.  There are five steps to do this.  First, make sure your blog qualifies:

1. The topic of the blog must be happiness or positive thinking.*
2. Please add the following code in your sidebar, in a page linked directly from your sidebar or in a post linked directly from your sidebar: <script type=”text/javascript” src=”http://rpc.blogrolling.com/display.php?r=b4ca2060dfa363fd582672a4ba3d3dda” language=”javascript”></script>
3. Email me with the location of the blogroll on your website.  I can be reached by going to http://www.thehappyguy.com/contact-The-Happy-Guy.html
4. Once approved, I will add your site.
5. I suggest you create a post announcing that you have joined this blogroll and post a link to this page for others interested in joining.  All our blogs will get more traffic as a result.

*Please note that this is NOT a blogroll for general psychology blogs, general self-improvement blogs or blogs about overcoming a specific disease or condition.

Here is the current list of happiness and positive thinking blogs

Michele Moore of  The Happiness Habit is an interesting blogger.  What do I mean by “interesting”? 

In modern times, this overused and trampled word is a void-filler.  Two people lost for words at a conference will say, “Whadaya think will happen?”  “Dunno.” “Should be interesting.”  “Yup, should be interesting.” “Yup, interesting all right.”

The ancient Chinese had a curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

But when I say “interesting”, I actually mean “interesting”.  (Sorry to disappoint you.)  Her posts are refreshingly controversial and thought provoking.   Here are just a few examples:

• Positive Psychology can be dangerous.
• Lessons from The Godfather
• Is Happiness for Everyone?

It is this last one that most intrigues me, in Is Happiness for Everyone?, we see a mug shot of a smiling Steve Jobs glaring smugly at the title, as if he knows something we don’t.  The question Michele raises is not so much whether happiness is for everyone as much as whether the pursuit of happiness is for everyone.

“For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.”

People pursuing power or creativity, for example, are not necessarily unhappy.  The pursuit of these goals might be what makes them happy.  But the pursuit of happiness might not.  For others, the pursuit of happiness is everything.  But there is a catch for those pursuing power, creativity and even happiness; one person might be almost completely satisfied with his life chasing whatever he wants to chase, because his happiness is in the chase.  Another person might follow the exact same path, but be totally miserable, because his happiness is in the “if only” that he will never catch.  If only I had power.  If only I could be a little more creative.  If only I could achieve this, I will be happy. 

If only’s never make a person happy.  Enjoying the journey, the pursuit of power, the drive for creativity, the gathering of happiness; these are the motors that drive our happiness.