Self-Help Happiness Blog

There are some people who pooh pooh self-help books, and perhaps it is true that for them reading is not the ideal way to make improvements.  Perhaps some of them don’t think they need to improve, so I won’t argue with “perfect” people (Who could win an arguement with a perfect person, anyway?)

I came across this interview with writer-director Judd Apatow, commenting on his first time as a producer and how he learned to manage teams:

The first job I had was creating The Ben Stiller Show.  I was 24 and had no idea what I was doing, so I read all these Stephen Covey books like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  They are actually really good!  I haven’t read them since, but I have to say, all the answers were in there.” 

What do you think of those slick posters and coffee mugs with motivational messages on them? Good tools? Too commercial?

What about spirit bottles, filled with nothing but air and a small paper with a simple sentiment, such as “love deeply” or “hang in there”? They are less slick, more down-to-earth and less inspiring perhaps. There is a debate on this over at this self confidence blog.

I have a better suggestion. The best motivational message is the one you write to yourself. I am not saying you can’t buy motivation – every sports team, every movie set, every major company knows you can. But outsourcing your motivational messages is not as effective as writing yourself a personal note and placing it where it is most relevant. Depending on the note, that might be in your car, beside your bathroom mirror or even in your toolshed.

No need to spend $20 on a slick motivational message laser targeted to just you and 100,000 people who are obviously exact replicas of you. Write your own messages and place them where they count.

Over on my other blog, we are having a discussion of reputation and integrity.  Be the reputation you want to have.  It is a matter of integrity. 

But integrity is not just about reputation.  It is about being at one with yourself.  Wheneyour values and your actions are out of sync with each other, there is no way you can be happy.  Of course, we all have some misalignments when we do things that are not in sync with our values, but if you stay pretty close and generally can say tat you believe in the things you are doing, your path to happiness is much, much smoother. 

I am starting a special blogroll just for blogs specifically about happiness and positivity.  The list below will grow automatically over time, and I invite anyone with a happiness blog or a positive thinking blog to join the blogroll.  There are five steps to do this.  First, make sure your blog qualifies:

1. The topic of the blog must be happiness or positive thinking.*
2. Please add the following code in your sidebar, in a page linked directly from your sidebar or in a post linked directly from your sidebar: <script type=”text/javascript” src=”http://rpc.blogrolling.com/display.php?r=b4ca2060dfa363fd582672a4ba3d3dda” language=”javascript”></script>
3. Email me with the location of the blogroll on your website.  I can be reached by going to http://www.thehappyguy.com/contact-The-Happy-Guy.html
4. Once approved, I will add your site.
5. I suggest you create a post announcing that you have joined this blogroll and post a link to this page for others interested in joining.  All our blogs will get more traffic as a result.

*Please note that this is NOT a blogroll for general psychology blogs, general self-improvement blogs or blogs about overcoming a specific disease or condition.

Here is the current list of happiness and positive thinking blogs

Michele Moore of  The Happiness Habit is an interesting blogger.  What do I mean by “interesting”? 

In modern times, this overused and trampled word is a void-filler.  Two people lost for words at a conference will say, “Whadaya think will happen?”  “Dunno.” “Should be interesting.”  “Yup, should be interesting.” “Yup, interesting all right.”

The ancient Chinese had a curse: “May you live in interesting times.”

But when I say “interesting”, I actually mean “interesting”.  (Sorry to disappoint you.)  Her posts are refreshingly controversial and thought provoking.   Here are just a few examples:

• Positive Psychology can be dangerous.
• Lessons from The Godfather
• Is Happiness for Everyone?

It is this last one that most intrigues me, in Is Happiness for Everyone?, we see a mug shot of a smiling Steve Jobs glaring smugly at the title, as if he knows something we don’t.  The question Michele raises is not so much whether happiness is for everyone as much as whether the pursuit of happiness is for everyone.

“For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.”

People pursuing power or creativity, for example, are not necessarily unhappy.  The pursuit of these goals might be what makes them happy.  But the pursuit of happiness might not.  For others, the pursuit of happiness is everything.  But there is a catch for those pursuing power, creativity and even happiness; one person might be almost completely satisfied with his life chasing whatever he wants to chase, because his happiness is in the chase.  Another person might follow the exact same path, but be totally miserable, because his happiness is in the “if only” that he will never catch.  If only I had power.  If only I could be a little more creative.  If only I could achieve this, I will be happy. 

If only’s never make a person happy.  Enjoying the journey, the pursuit of power, the drive for creativity, the gathering of happiness; these are the motors that drive our happiness.

Do you have a funny spot?  I do.  It’s on my head.  Sometimes it pops up a week after getting my hair cut.  Sometimes two, or even three weeks later.  And it seems that each time it pops up a little differently.  More than anything, my funny spot dictates when I get my hair cut.

Most of us have funny spots in our personalities, too.  Certain things might rub us the wrong way.  Or in certain situations we might become suddenly shy or clumsy after a while. 

Just as my hair needs maintenance to help manage that funny spot, we all need personality maintenance, which we often call self-help.  We need to know what characteristics about ourselves look “funny” or somehow interfere with smooth relationships with others.  And we need to take regular measures to manage those elements.  Chances are, these are not things we can eliminate (although some might be), but simply to keep a check on them so that they allow us to be pleasant to others and function at our best in our community.

Consider this: you give your car regular maintenance, don’t you?

P.S.  I once had an even funnier spot on my head…

This post first appeared in A Daily Dose of Happiness newsletter

From our Daily Dose of Happiness ezine yesterday:

MENTORING

When we reach a hand out to help someone else, we lift two people with that one arm.  Talk about miracles!

George Bernard Shaw  said:

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” 

Find more inspirational quotes and  quotes on happiness. 

I just read a fascinating interview with A.J. Jacobs, a “Jewish” agnostic who decided to live the bible quite literally for a year, then write a book about it.  Here are just a couple excerpts from the interview:

Trying to follow the Bible, you learn how much you sin during a day.  It’s really quite shocking.  You tell so many lies just trying to keep a conversation going….As a parent, I couldn’t believe how much I lied: “Oh, Oh, the toy store’s closed today, we can’t go there,” or, “The TV’s broken.”

Here’s another…

The bible is really focused on giving thanks, and that was a huge lesson for me.  By the end, I was an extreme thanker–I was thanking when the elevator came on time.  It’s a great way to live, to focus on the hundreds of things that go right during the day rather than the three or four things that went wrong.

Far too often, self-help asks, “What’s wrong with me?”  This is only natural, we most often seek help when we see a problem.  And if we see a problem, it is a good thing to want to correct it or manage it.

But self-help should also be about asking, “What’s right with me?”  It should be about finding our strengths and building on them – about finding ways to leverage our strengths to live happier, more fulfilling lives and make life a wonderful experience  for everyone.

That’s really what the Daily Dose of Happiness is all about.  Sure, if you have problems, if you are going through a rough spot, if you need cheering up, I sure hope this helps.  But most of all, I hope to inspire you to find your strengths – the good in you – and build on all that you have going for you.