Self-Help Happiness Blog

I was inspired by American Top 40 Countdown.  You might have heard of the band Lady Antebellum (Yes, it is a band, not a person).  Nevertheless, there is a lady in the band: Hillary Scott.

Hillary failed twice at American Idol.  Yes, she tried and did not make it past the first-stage auditions.

So she tried again.  And the second time, she also failed to make it past the first-stage auditions.

Don’t worry, Hillary.  You join a n auspicious line of “losers”, including Abraham Lincoln:

• Started a business – bankrupt.
• Ran for state legislature – lost.
• Applied to law school – rejected.
• Started a business – bankrupt.
• Ran for state legislature again – won.
• Engaged when his sweetheart died – heart broken.
• Had nervous breakdown – bed-ridden for six months.
• Ran for speaker of the state legislature – lost.
• Ran for elector – lost.
• Ran for Congress – lost.
• Ran for Congress again – won.
• Ran for re-election to Congress – lost.
• Sought the job of state land officer – rejected.
• Ran for Senate of the United States – lost.
• Sought Vice-Presidential nomination – lost.
• Ran for U.S. Senate again – lost.
• Elected president of the United States.

And Canada’s John Diefenbaker:

• Moved to Wakaw to practice law – locals refused to rent him office space.
• Ran for village council – won.
• Ran for Parliament – lost.
• Ran for Parliament again – lost.
• Ran for provincial legislature – lost.
• Ran for mayor of Prince Albert – lost.
• Elected provincial party leader by default (nobody else wanted the job)
• Ran for Premier – lost and lost his seat.
• Ran for Parliament – won.
• Ran for federal party leader – lost.
• Ran for federal party leader – won.
• Ran for Prime Minister – and won three consecutive elections.

I read this recently, “There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.” An anonymous quote, but a very powerful one for us parents.

Now how can I eavesdrop on my kids…?

In a world of multi-tasking and hand-held devices, our moments of laser focus are in danger of extinction. Instead of dedicating our full attention to one thing at a time, we live in a society that promotes the opposite. The idea seems to be that the busier we are, the more productive we’ll be. However, the critical question is, how do we continue to approach our tasks at hand during the busier times?

I have encountered many professionals who are perpetually busy with various projects and aspects of their work, yet, seem to rarely ever make progress. I believe the culprit is multitasking, and the answer is focus management. Contrary to time management and multi-tasking, focus management is a thorough approach to getting things done. It’s about being in the moment and dedicating full attention to the task at hand until it’s complete.

Too often I have found that whenever we come across a large amount of things to do, we tend to fall into a state of desperation, causing us to hit the panic button and scramble our attention. This is when multitasking comes into play. Instead of trying to swallow the elephant within one bite, we need to relax, take a step back and dissect this large, overwhelming task into small individual steps. Once we accomplish this, it is our responsibility to then focus our entire attention on that step, without thinking about the next step until the current one is completed.

Consistency is another vital attribute when it comes to focus management. I believe that focus + consistency = tremendous gains and results. If we manage to set up a focus management plan but lack consistency, we will not get very far in whichever endeavor we pursue. This is one of the reasons why I believe it’s important to break down our tasks into small, individual ones. This gives us the opportunity to accomplish more as well as gain momentum. Once we begin to gain momentum, we will then begin to generate the energy needed in order to achieve consistent results.

This new style of working may sound a little bit awkward for those who are accustomed to multitasking, but I guarantee it is more productive than divvying up your attention. It’s all about making consistent and focused increments towards accomplishing your goals.

This is a guest post by Luis Rosario, the Director of Communications / Event Relations for MorningCoach.com Personal Development Community, an online community that focuses on prosperity & abundance, lifestyle design, quality of life, and motivation. With an educational background in Sociology and Inter-cultural Communications, his mission is to change the world for the better one event at a time!

Ali was not only one of the greatest boxers the world has ever known but he is also known as an incredibly inspiring human being. He was also known for his pre-match hype, where he would “trash talk” opponents on television and in person some time before each match, often with rhymes. These personality quips and idioms, along with an unorthodox fighting technique, made him a cultural icon. Below I will list some of his most inspiring quotes and how important they can be to the person who takes heed.

1… Fake it until you believe it.

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was”

I’m sure you have heard the “fake it till you make it” phrase before. How you hold yourself and what you say to yourself has a dramatic affect on how others see you and how your mind perceives your environment.

When you are out and about in the world today, hold your head up, pull your shoulders back and speak with clarity. By purposely and consciously acting how you would like to feel, your body and mind will begin to follow the lead you set out before hand. Also, the people you meet will treat you the way they perceive you, thus, reinforcing into your mind the outcome you set out to from the start.

If you want to feel more confident, in control and you want others to see you that way, then fake it. Inside, you might be nervous at first but others will not notice this as they will only be focused on what their eyes can see.

“I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest”

2… Short term pain for long term gain.

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, “Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”

Everything we do in life has consequences and more often than not we tend to opt for the easiest solution ahead of persevering in the face of resistance. Our bad habits are a perfect example of this lesson because they give us instant gratification and yet we never focus on the long term effects they may cause.

It becomes very easy to choose between what makes us feel good now as opposed to what will make us feel good in the future. Take a look at the choices you make each day and ask yourself if you are simply choosing instant gratification over long term pleasure. Most don’t want to put in the effort today because the results may take some time to manifest.

I am all for living in the moment but there are certain seeds that need to e planed today for the to harvest tomorrow.

3… Nobody knows you better than you know yourself.

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want.”

No one can accuse Ali of being a person who lived his life on others terms. What about you? Are you living your life on your own terms? Have you made choices in the past because of what others expected of you and continue to do so?

I made the decision some time ago to live my life on my own terms. I left an extremely well paid  job after 12 years because I simply didn’t enjoy it anymore. It was a big decision at the time and I had to listen to my friends and family tell me how I was making a huge mistake in doing so. If I would have listened to them then I would be as miserable now as I was then. It was the best decision I ever made and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.

Most often the time is never right and you just have to go for it. I truly believe that things will always work out for the best in the end if you are willing to fly in the face of adversity, make a decision that feels right and stick with it.

4… You are so talented.

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself”

Nothing is impossible if you have faith in yourself…nothing. I have found the biggest problem that people have is doubting themselves and their abilities. I have also realized that your mind is the great trickster. How many times have you doubted your ability to accomplish something and avoided the task altogether. Stop listening to useless thoughts created in your mind that limit your growth. You are not your mind, and doubting yourself is absolutely useless because it is absolute lies.

You have enough ability to last you 100 lifetimes but you may never believe it if you give power to the thoughts that limit you. Believe me when I tell you this, you have the power to either entertain or dismiss any thought that enters your mind. Your mind is always thinking, remembering, fantasizing and forever creating stories based upon the information you subject it to. Start to believe in your abilities and begin to discard the negative useless thoughts that limit you.

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen”

5… Does life just happen to you?

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life”

If we do not consciously create the life we want for ourselves then we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over until the lesson is learned. Your life will change as the years go by but will it be because you took control and made the effort to consciously change your life, or will you leave it up to life to do the changing for you.

I have met many people who are not living up to even close to what they are capable of. The worse thing is that they don’t make any effort whatsoever to change their circumstances. They obviously want to have a better life, but it’s as if they’re hoping things will magically get better for them further down the line.

Take an inventory of your life up till this point and ask yourself if you are in the same situation, physically, mentally and emotionally as you where last month, year or even decade. Then ask yourself if your life is being played out on automatic pilot.

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This was a guest post written by Delcan at zenmed reviews where he discusses zenmed scar treatment reviews as well as many other natural treatments.

Imagine a public relations firm whose philosophy is “tell the truth at all costs”. Not possible? Not for Mark Demoss, founder of PR firm the Demoss Group. He created exactly that.

His book The Little Red Book of Wisdom contains boulders of practical guidance packaged in interesting, nugget-sized chapters. Half of the book specifically addresses the business world and the second half covers personal matters a refreshing change from the typical success-manual mode.

Like The Demoss Group itself, The Little Red Book of Wisdom is atypical on every level: unapologetic-ally Christian, Demoss manages to frame his philosophies biblically without preaching or moralizing. Instead, he illustrates his points with personal experiences and current events in a conversational style that’s easy reading for harried executives.

But this isn’t a sappy read: with chapters like “Do Something So Difficult, You’ll Never Want to Do It Again”, and “The Best Defense is a Good Defense”, Demoss challenges readers with time-tested philosophies that he personally practices. Not one concept is overwritten: if Demoss can cover it in a couple of sentences, he does.

The Little Red Book of Wisdom deserves a place on every leader’s desk, for short bursts of inspiration on the long road of service.

Meredith Healey is a single mom, so she needs all the self-improvement she can get. She blogs about her progress at http://sinthesinglemom.blogspot.com/

I (guest blogger Chris Hammer) help new and aspiring leaders fast-track the learning process; successfully navigating the challenges and uncertainties that come with the task of managing others.

And a common mistake I see with new leaders is that they too often try to jump in too quickly without establishing a solid framework for who they want to be as leaders and what they want to accomplish (and why they want to accomplish it).

Too often the new leader will try to assert his or her authority too quickly; changing systems and delegating tasks without really thinking it through.
This often sets up power-struggles and/or sets the leader’s reputation on shaky grounds.

I’ve noticed that exceptionally good leaders take time first to observe – to really understand the past and present workings of their environment, and to understand the explicit and implicit lines of influence and sub-cultures that have evolved over time.

So the first step to being a good leader is exploration: take the time to observe, and ask more questions and give fewer answers.

Also think about what leadership skills you already have, and work to develop these further. Think about leaders you admire, and identify what common traits and behaviours they have – and work to emulate these.

Conversely, identify what you notice about poor leadership – and make a point to steer away from those practices! Leadership ability is a skill that can be developed; Masters in Public Administration degrees provide teaching to help develop leadership skills.

This is a guest post by Chris Hammer. Refer to the free ebook and articles on mycoachingbooks.com for more ideas, and check out the “Be a Leader” ebook for the rest of the steps!

I recently told my wife she should be happy I married her — I’m the perfect “10″.  This seemed to surprise her just a bit.  I explained that I am perfect 10% of the time.

Let’s face it, we all put pressure on ourselves sometimes to be perfect.  We all want to do things “just right”.  There is a certain pride in accomplishment that just can’t be denied.

We can be our own harshest critics.  But nobody can be or should be perfect all the time.  If you can be perfect 10% of the time, you are doing great!  And the next time your spouse, a parent, your child or a friend criticizes you, just tell them they should be happy to have you – you are perfect 10% of the time.

It’s not the tickets that count.

This morning, my eldest daughter – 10 years old – did indeed win four tickets to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II this weekend. But that is not the exciting part. The exciting part is that she got on the radio (KISS FM in Ottawa). For the second time. And this time she got to answer the question. And she got it right.

Yesterday, she was so excited to be “caller number three”, and waited in anticipation as Caller Number One (a 12-year old girl) was given an impossible question to answer. I mean, who knows off the top of their head the maximum speed of a Firebolt 2000 (Did I even get the right model number?)?

And then as Caller Number Two – a full-grown man – was given a no-way-you-can-miss, easy-peasy question. No, Harry did not get his scar falling off a bike or bumping into a wall at Hogwarts, two of the throw-away choices he was given. And my daughter was naturally devastated when she did not even get the chance to try her hand at the question.

Well, today she had the radio station’s number on speed dial on her mother’s phone, and they kept calling and calling and calling and … “Hello, you are Caller Number One. Who am I speaking to?”

Woo-hoo!

She answered the question correctly and won four tickets to see the show.

But it is not the tickets that is the best part – we would go see the movie anyway. It was the chance to participate – the excitement of making it onto the show. And, of course, answering the trivia question correctly.

By the way, the question was “Who was Harry Potter’s Herbology Teacher?”

Compromise: The art of dividing the pie in such proportions that everybody believes he scored the biggest slice.

Diplomacy: The art of making other people believing that it is their idea they are implementing for you.

So much in life depends on how other people perceive their ownership of an issue, event or process. Make the other person feel ownership, and they’ll walk over hot coals for you.

It turns out that Ralph Lauren is more than just a fashion designer; he is also a philosopher:

“We all get report cards in many different ways, but the real excitement of what you’re doing is in the doing of it. It’s not what you’re gonna get in the end – it’s not the final curtain – it’s

really in the doing it, and loving what I’m doing.”

Being a parent, I get report cards from my kids all the time.  It is easy to get caught up in the marks.  But it is much more important to make sure my kids are:

A) Doing their best.

B) Excited about learning and improving.

The real report card is whether we are truly living our lives and not just passing through