Self-Help Happiness Blog

I (guest blogger Chris Hammer) help new and aspiring leaders fast-track the learning process; successfully navigating the challenges and uncertainties that come with the task of managing others.

And a common mistake I see with new leaders is that they too often try to jump in too quickly without establishing a solid framework for who they want to be as leaders and what they want to accomplish (and why they want to accomplish it).

Too often the new leader will try to assert his or her authority too quickly; changing systems and delegating tasks without really thinking it through.
This often sets up power-struggles and/or sets the leader’s reputation on shaky grounds.

I’ve noticed that exceptionally good leaders take time first to observe – to really understand the past and present workings of their environment, and to understand the explicit and implicit lines of influence and sub-cultures that have evolved over time.

So the first step to being a good leader is exploration: take the time to observe, and ask more questions and give fewer answers.

Also think about what leadership skills you already have, and work to develop these further. Think about leaders you admire, and identify what common traits and behaviours they have – and work to emulate these.

Conversely, identify what you notice about poor leadership – and make a point to steer away from those practices! Leadership ability is a skill that can be developed; Masters in Public Administration degrees provide teaching to help develop leadership skills.

This is a guest post by Chris Hammer. Refer to the free ebook and articles on mycoachingbooks.com for more ideas, and check out the “Be a Leader” ebook for the rest of the steps!

I recently told my wife she should be happy I married her — I’m the perfect “10″.  This seemed to surprise her just a bit.  I explained that I am perfect 10% of the time.

Let’s face it, we all put pressure on ourselves sometimes to be perfect.  We all want to do things “just right”.  There is a certain pride in accomplishment that just can’t be denied.

We can be our own harshest critics.  But nobody can be or should be perfect all the time.  If you can be perfect 10% of the time, you are doing great!  And the next time your spouse, a parent, your child or a friend criticizes you, just tell them they should be happy to have you – you are perfect 10% of the time.

It’s not the tickets that count.

This morning, my eldest daughter – 10 years old – did indeed win four tickets to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II this weekend. But that is not the exciting part. The exciting part is that she got on the radio (KISS FM in Ottawa). For the second time. And this time she got to answer the question. And she got it right.

Yesterday, she was so excited to be “caller number three”, and waited in anticipation as Caller Number One (a 12-year old girl) was given an impossible question to answer. I mean, who knows off the top of their head the maximum speed of a Firebolt 2000 (Did I even get the right model number?)?

And then as Caller Number Two – a full-grown man – was given a no-way-you-can-miss, easy-peasy question. No, Harry did not get his scar falling off a bike or bumping into a wall at Hogwarts, two of the throw-away choices he was given. And my daughter was naturally devastated when she did not even get the chance to try her hand at the question.

Well, today she had the radio station’s number on speed dial on her mother’s phone, and they kept calling and calling and calling and … “Hello, you are Caller Number One. Who am I speaking to?”

Woo-hoo!

She answered the question correctly and won four tickets to see the show.

But it is not the tickets that is the best part – we would go see the movie anyway. It was the chance to participate – the excitement of making it onto the show. And, of course, answering the trivia question correctly.

By the way, the question was “Who was Harry Potter’s Herbology Teacher?”

Compromise: The art of dividing the pie in such proportions that everybody believes he scored the biggest slice.

Diplomacy: The art of making other people believing that it is their idea they are implementing for you.

So much in life depends on how other people perceive their ownership of an issue, event or process. Make the other person feel ownership, and they’ll walk over hot coals for you.

It turns out that Ralph Lauren is more than just a fashion designer; he is also a philosopher:

“We all get report cards in many different ways, but the real excitement of what you’re doing is in the doing of it. It’s not what you’re gonna get in the end – it’s not the final curtain – it’s

really in the doing it, and loving what I’m doing.”

Being a parent, I get report cards from my kids all the time.  It is easy to get caught up in the marks.  But it is much more important to make sure my kids are:

A) Doing their best.

B) Excited about learning and improving.

The real report card is whether we are truly living our lives and not just passing through

A recent series I watched on TV followed a young British engineer as he traveled around the country on a longboat, celebrating Britain’s industrial heritage. One episode featured the humble tin of baked beans, and in this article I want to cover what this teaches us about goal achievement…

Guy Martin is an engineer and well known bike racer. Well known in bike racing circles that is, I confess I had never heard of him before watching his TV series.

In ‘The Boat That Guy Built’ on the BBC, he wanted to remind people of a 150 year period when British inventions and engineering helped to change the world, to drive the industrial revolution.

He traveled around on his barge, fitting it out using traditional techniques, and I was drawn in by the whole series. One episode featured him making baked beans on toast, so he went right back to the basics and history of the can, making it by hand. This is where the goal achievement lesson comes in…

The patent for the tin can was given in the early 1800s in Britain, and it wasn’t long before it had been sold on and developed, as a way of storing provisions for the army and navy. This was state of the art stuff at the time, rather like NASA inventing ideas for the space program.

Within a few years though, maybe a decade or so, the baked bean had moved from being a novelty food for the posh to a common ingredient, and the tin can had gone from being experimental to being part of everyday life.

It was taken for granted.

150 Years Later

This is all over 150 years ago now, but the lesson we can take today is still fresh…

While it’s possible that your goal may be groundbreaking, it’s more likely that it has been achieved before. Someone, somewhere, will take it for granted. Someone, somewhere, will have gone through the trial and error process and got to the end result.

Yes, it will be new for *you*, there will be learning and set backs, but you can make the journey far easier if you seek out the knowledge of others who have gone before.

You will also have an easier ride of it mentally if you imagine yourself in the position of those who take your goal for granted.

Developing an assurance that your goal will happen, helps to motivate you when you come to step that are wary or nervous about – you’ll be much more confident to take it when you know others have been there before.

So to sum up, the humble tin of baked beans can teach us about trial and error, and it can teach us about repositioning goals in our mind as taken for granted rather than experimental.

I loved Guy Martin’s show, and the next time you are struggling with a goal, open a cupboard and stare at a baked bean tin for some inspiration!

Gordon Bryan is a writer from the UK, who loves writing about goal achievement. Grab his free 8 Step Goal Achievement Formula at http://thegreatgordino.com/free-8-step-goal-achievement-formula

To be able to go on to do great things, children need encouragement and inspiration. A child will try his or her best when a parent’s support is behind them. Sometimes it’s not easy to figure out exactly how to help kids with this, but there are some things you can do that are sure to inspire.

Follow Your Child’s Bliss

Pay attention to what your child loves. If he or she loves art, encourage the creation of paintings, sculptures, drawings, or whichever media they have an interest in and keep plenty of art materials on hand. If you notice your child looking at the stars and gravitating toward astronomy topics, make plans for trips to a planetarium. Know what your child is interested in and feed that interest in every way possible.

Give Your Child New Experiences

There is nothing like learning about different cultures and seeing new things to open a child’s mind. It isn’t necessary to take a trip to Japan or Africa to accomplish this. Learning about how things are done in a culture on the other side of the world can show a child that all humans are different and interesting. Going to plays, ballets performances, and museums also fall into this category.

Turn off the Electronics

On at least one night a week, turn off the television, computers, phones, and any other gadget that the family is attached to, and have the family create something together. Any child, regardless of interests, should learn to create. Whether you paint something on a canvas, put together a birdhouse, or build a piece of play equipment for the back yard, make something that your child can see every day and be proud of helping to create.

Look into Extracurricular

Whether it’s a day camp for a particular interest, Scouts youth organization, or sports team, get your child into some extracurricular activity. This gives kids the opportunity to work with other kids outside of a school atmosphere. It is important that your child be interested, though. Some children won’t mesh well with all activities.

Expect Good Things, but Don’t Go Too Far

Letting your child know what you expect in terms of school and activities is a good thing. But be careful not to apply too much pressure. Becoming angry when one of their activities doesn’t work out the way you expected it to will only discourage your child. Celebrate over your child’s efforts toward something, rather than only rewarding a perfect result. Also realize that not all children will be good at everything. It may take a few tries before you and your child figure out the best activities and interests for him or her.

In conclusion, do not underestimate the importance of building your own inspiration as a parent. Read parenting books, discover inspiring family quotes, exchange with other parents and do not hesitate to try new activities.

And do not forget, the key is to spend quality time with your child. This is something your child will remember forever.

About the author: David is the manager of FamousQuotesIndex.com, an interactive database containing close to 30,000 quotes and citations from famous people and popular movies. This post has been featured in the Spring Homeschool Carnival and the Garden of Learning homeschooling carnival.

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Opportunity”

“Opportunity who?”

*silence*

Yes, silence.  When opportunity knocks, you have to answer it.  If you wait around asking questions, opportunity will wander off somewhere else, knocking on some one else’s door by the time you answer.

Worse than hesitating and questioning opportunity, is ignoring it altogether.  Perhaps we don’t want to hear the knocking.  Perhaps we are too busy or careless or introspective to pay attention.

I am convinced that the biggest difference between people who are successful in life – however you choose to define “success” – and those who are not, is how they respond when opportunity knocks.  Successful people…

• Remain constantly alert, so they hear the knocking.
• Answer right away.
• Welcome opportunity in.

What do you do when opportunity knocks?  Do you even hear the knocking?

Happiness Is Hard Work…at least in America.

A new study published in the April issue of the Journal Of Happiness Studies reveals that Americans who work harder tend to be happier. The “Protestant work ethic” is alive and well – and making people happy – in America.

Americans tend to be like Doozers:

Work you cares away,
Dancing’s for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.

In Europe, the story is completely different. Europeans are happiest working shorter hours.

Europeans tend to be like faggles:

Dance your cares away,
Worry’s for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.

“Those who work longer hours in Europe are less happy than those who work shorter hours, but in the U.S. it’s the other way around,” study author Adam Okulicz-Kozaryn says. It seems that Americans are happiest working and building

The researchers speculate that happiness has less to do with actual hours spent working on each continent than about how people on either side of the ocean view success. The “American Dream” is about how anybody can make it big if they just work hard enough. Europeans seem to focus more on “quality of life”.

Not surprisingly, Europeans are surprised by the results of this study. The UK’s Daily Mail says it all in it’s headline: “America’s bizarre secret to happiness: More work”.

So what contributes to your happiness more – work or off-time?

This post was featured in the Working at Home Blog Carnival.

Here is some good advice for young Aspergians (people with the Asperger’s syndrome) that really is just as good for any of us.  Related to Autism, Aspergians find social interaction difficult and might also have motor difficulties and tend to get lost in themselves sometimes.

In his book Be Different: The Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian, John Elder Robison says:

“Find out what you’re good at and stick with it. In school, a lot of emphasis is put on identifying your weaknesses and then improving them. That’s important if your weaknesses are holding you back, but it’s not the path to greatness.Greatness happens when you find your unique strengths and build upon them. Building up a weakness just makes you less disabled. Building a strength can take you to the top of the world.”